The chassidic Rebbe as a Father Figure

B"H

Male Ba'alei Teshuva (secular Jews becoming religious) act very different from female Ba'alot Teshuva. At least in many cases. Among other things, men may have a stronger desire of getting accepted into religious society. When you look at male Ba'alei Teshuva and male converts to Judaism, many times they start looking for a leading figure in their lives. Not for the IDEAL PERSON to follow but for a father figure. In fact, women don't feel this kind of desire but concentrate on more realistic issues.

Lets say there is a Baal Teshuva or a convert to Judaism and he is new in society. New in to Teshuva - World and running around in order to find his place. The guy will do the usual Yeshiva shopping and try out different directions and Synagogues. However, especially guys then feel the desire of finding their "father" in the haredi world, as they don't really have a close friend who grew up in certain chassidic circles.

Chabad, for instance, attracts many Ba'alei Teshuva and plenty of them find their father figure in the previous Lubavitcher Rebbe. Although he passed away in June 1994. Other Ba'alei Teshuva trying to join Satmar definitely find a kind of father figure in Rebbe Yoel Teitelbaum. Today maybe in the two Rebbes Aharon and Zalman Leib but I assume that Reb Yoelish still arouses father figure phantasies.

The male newcomer is desperately looking for an ideal person inside the group. A respected Rabbi or even the Rebbe himself. There may be a psycholocigal reason such as "they gave up their former lives and are now left without any family". At least not a family inside their new world which is able to understand them. 

Ge'ulah / Jerusalem

Photo: Miriam Woelke

It is just interesting to me why, in most cases, males tend to look for this kind of a Rebbe father figure despite the fact that they are hardly in personal contact with the Rebbe. Women are very different in this respect and more down to earth. I would respect the Rebbe but not be running after the Rebbitzen and look at her as my "mother". 

On Parshat Bamidbar and People running after outside Appearances

B”H

In his commentary on this week’s Parashat Bamidbar, the Chatam Sofer (Rabbi Moshe Schreiber, 1762 – 1839) quotes from the Midrash Rabbah stating that Har Sinai and Har Hamoriah are two opposites. Both mountains are not the highest and mightiest in the world but G – d chose Har Sinai for a special purpose and after the purpose was done, Har Sinai lost its holiness and became an ordinary mountain again. Har Hamoriah, on the other hand, has never lost its special meaning and the presence of G – d’s Shechinah. Although there is no Temple at the moment. 

G – d chose Har Hamoriah for a special mission. As we know, creation took place from the Even HaShtiah (Foundation Stone) at Har Hamoriah. When Adam Harishon and Chava were thrown out of Gan Eden, G – d placed them on Har Hamoriah. Here, Avraham wanted to sacrifice Yitzchak and here, Yaakov had his dream with the ladder.

Couldn’t have G – d chosen a different mountain in Israel ? How about the highest mountain ?

As a matter of fact, being the highest and mightiest doesn’t always stand for the best. Just look at us humans. In most cases, the strongest looking is not always the most powerful, intelligent and modest (humbled) person. On the contrary, as He may even be strong, his brain and modest behaviour is far left behind. I personally prefer intellectual and academic people compared to these brainless musclemen. 

The same with Har Hamoriah. It is not the highest mountain in Israel and it doesn’t look like deserving a special honour and attention but G – d is showing us that everything in this world has its purpose; and the purpose of the lowest object, animal or person can even reach higher dimensions than the accomplishment of the greatest hero.

Unfortunately too many people today, especially women, tend to search for their personal hero. As soon as they meet a guy they project all their subconscious ideas and desires into the other person (their hero). Tell a woman a great story about your male hero life as a soldier, fighter, Rambo, Terminator, etc. and those women with low self – esteem make their dumb choice and go for it. This doesn’t necessarily work in a religious Shidduch or with people following their intellect. However, these women making the dummy choice and run after heros don’t always realize that the main goal why they are behaving like that is the fear of loneliness (according to psychological reports). 

Do we need heros today ?

My personal opinion is that I neither need a soldier nor a Hollywood hero. Having a successful relationship means work. I know that from my past and, unfortunately, I obviously never took the time for working on a falling apart relationship. 

Furthermore, a relationship has to be based on reality and a, more or less, common goal. For what do I need a military hero when he turns out to be a dummy and has no clue who Einstein was ? I am not running after short pleasures but concentrate on a serious relationship. Therefore those people running after the outside appearance of a person rather disgust me and eventually those people will turn out to be very lonely. 

Any person in this world has the potential of being a hero. There is no need for a uniform unless in order to attract some emotional disturbed women. 

I personally don't like the expression HERO but when it comes to it, your neighbour, the sick person suffering in hospital, the child taking care of her mother, the beggar in the street searching for empty bottles, the handicapped, the Rabbi helping the needy, a family providing Shabbat hospitality, a mother searching for food for her children in the garbage, all of them are heros of life.

Ba'al Teshuva Burnout

Edmonton / Canada

Photo: NASA

B"H

For whatever reason you decide to become a Ba'al Teshuva. More than ten years ago, I made this decision and I don't even know why. Maybe because I was so convinced that the Torah is true and that there is nothing else beyond. My entire being was getting absorbed into religious life but after a while you realize that this is not it. No matter what goals you have, your "old" life is always following you. Your old habits going to the cinema, reading novels, talking to any kind of people, just hanging around downtown, having a beer and so on. Of course, you can hang out as a Ba'al Teshuva and go to the cinema but it is not the same, as you may start questioning yourself whether this or that is allowed or issur. 

Many times I have written about the subject before and plenty of haredi Ba'alei Teshuva still ignore the significance: If you decide to become a haredi Ba'al Teshuva, your efforts are probably much higher. Especially when you live among Haredim. Then you don't only want to do everything right but also prove that you are just as good as a born Haredi. No, I am not starting again with "born Haredim will never accept you as equal" but notice one issue: Born Haredim will not necessarily provide you a Shidduch from among them, as they see Ba'alei Teshuva coming from Jewish parents who apparently didn't keep Taharat HaMishpacha (Family Purity Laws). Jewish babies born from such parents are considered to have a "blemished" soul and there "may" be something wrong with them. Their behaviour could be more vulnerable to sins then the behaviour of a Jewish baby born to parents keeping Taharat Mishpacha. Converts to Judaism following the haredi way lifestyle don't have this blemish, as they are regarded as a newborn after leaving the Mikveh.

Only a few weeks after I started the Teshuva process, I already gave up the desire of impressing my environment. I didn't care anymore and was sick of thinking what so - and - so is thinking about me and whether I am invited anymore or accepted. Other Ba'alei Teshuva just freak as soon as Mr. + Mrs. Satmar, Vishnitz or Litvish are inviting them. I didn't and this way, I got more invitations than those who are constantly trying to improve themselves and thus go on everybody's nerves. 

I spoke about my weaknesses although I wanted to be perfect. I failed, went back to my former lifestyle, returned to religion, went back and forth 100,000 times. It is not only the Ba'al Teshuva suffering from a burnout but, and this really makes me freak, other Haredim driving you nuts with their non - haredi behaviour. You think that now you are in a Yeshiva, programme or among haredi neighbours and then you see some of those people behaving like pigs. Rabbis from different programmes, for instance, who just run after donations and, as soon as a rich potential donor shows up, those Rabbis ignore all of their students. I saw a Rabbi on Fridays looking out for rich people to come by to his programme. When a rich guy stepped in, he was automatically invited for Shabbat and the Rabbis was only creeping around him. Or when Rabbis simply want to be important and you have to worship him although he isn't that big Talmid Chacham.

Those Haredim really get me and then I just feel like escaping. Whether they are Ba'alei Teshuva Rabbis or born haredi Rabbis. Some of them think that they are so holy but what they do is drawing people away from Judaism due to their behaviour. 

Months ago I have decided to do whatever I can and the Mitzvot I don't do ... well, give it time. It is much better to enjoy your life and be happy with yourself as pushing yourself into depression.

The Perfect Haredi ?

B"H

Since I moved back to Tel Aviv a little more than a month ago, my religious life has been helter skelter like. Ups and downs and I am still looking for the way. One day more and the next day less.

Furthermore I noticed that I have been too obsessive with perfectionism and when I entered haredi society years ago, I mostly concentrated on the perfect side. However, this doesn't mean that Haredim are perfect. In fact, many of them are anything but perfect.

Ba'alei Teshuva into haredi society can get themselves into a very destructive position and I have seen people who wanted nothing but acceptance by born Haredim. Those Ba'alei Teshuva did anything but where never satisfied, as there was always a time when someone born haredi made a negative remark.

Quickly I left the way of sliming around and wanting to be accepted. I didn't care about other Haredim but set goals for myself. The goals were too high and I failed.

Am I failing until today ?

Maybe the haredi way is just not for me or G - d doesn't want me to be this way ?

Maybe His plan for me is something else ?

At the moment I am rather following the easy way. Not because of my secular Tel Aviv environment but to overcome my strive for perfection. This basically is the reason why I mainly avoid going to Jerusalem these days, as Jerusalem reminds me of my old way of life.

Try putting yourself into someone else’s Position

B”H

Have you ever tried putting your mind into someone else's position ?

Of G – d, of other Yeshiva students, of the Rosh Yeshiva,
the neighbour, the secular Jew, the frum Jew or simply you spouse ?

This is a very famous practice you learn in drama class and even if you are not planning an awesome Hollywood career, it does helps you not only start thinking about the other side but, in particular, getting to know yourself.

Mental disorders in the haredi World

B”H

I am writing this according to my own experience: 

When you are part of the haredi world and may enter an emotional crisis such as depression, the most popular solution among the haredi world is “Pray to G – d – Titpalel le’HaKadosh Baruch Hu”. Closed haredi societies in Israel would not necessarily recommend the depressed person to go and ask for psychological help. On the other hand, the person in question may neither ask for help nor even mention his problem because of shame and fear that this current weakness could cause all kinds of disadvantages for him. There is a possibility that his environment would call him mentally ill or a nut. Mental weaknesses enjoy a bad reputation in haredi even though depression and emotional crises aren’t mental illnesses.

When I was suffering from a crisis while leaving haredi society I was desperately looking for other Haredim to talk to. The problem was that no one really understood what I was suffering from and told me to pray, give Zedakah or concentrate on doing more Mitzvot. There were also some who suggested that I should get married and then there wouldn’t be any crisis anymore, as I was busy with children and standing in the kitchen. All those suggestions don’t help because the only solution a depressed person is searching for is leaving his deep black hole he is stuck in emotionally. And then your closer environment tells you to pray.

There was another group of Haredim who didn’t want to listen to me, as they thought that they may enter their own personal crisis. All this different types of neglecting behaviour led to giving up and searching for other people in order to find a solution and get help. Many Haredim who want to be seen as so terribly religious are not aware of how they turn others away from religion.

"Facing your own Pharao in Life" or "How to run a successful Blog"

B"H

I am just coming out of a good shiur although some people keep on warning me not to get too attached to Chabad teachings.:-) I am not getting too attached and, of course, follow my own ego; meaning I have my own opinion.

However, the shiur was quite interesting and the person teaching was different than all those weeks before. The reason was that after the previous shiur last week, some complained to the lecturer that he would be throwing too much information on Jews who have never studied their own religion. How can you teach about three different soul levels, divine light and all these concepts when a young Jew is listening to you who has absolutely no idea of what the Rabbi is talking about. 

The person complaining to the lecturer said that it is better to take a small tiny concept, explain it to the people listening and then having a discussion. This is what the lecturer tried to do today but I was the only person at the class.

First, the lecturer asked me how I would feel if I was Moshe and G - d told me to go to Pharao. If I wouldn't be terrified ? My answer was NO. Why should I when I know that G - d is on my side and, by the way, regarding this week's Parashat BO, the Makkot (plagues) have already started and then, as Moshe, I would have something in my hands against Pharao. Or to say it in business terms: I am showing up with a threat. Why should I be afraid ?

The lecturer explained that, the same as Moshe going to Pharao and maybe facing some fears because he was put into a situation he would rather avoid, we have our own personal fears in life. PHARAO as a concept means a DARK PLACE. Each of us has his or her dark place in life and rather wants to avoid getting into certain difficult situations. And in case we get there, how then do we deal with it and what does this week's Parasha teaches us in this respect ?

The lecturer made a personal point and said that, according to psychological studies, there are always people who do whatever they feel like is right and there are those who only try to please their environment. I told him that I am not at all the pleasing person but the very opposite. I actually gave him an interesting example from the blogosphere:

There are countless sites on the Internet trying you to teach how you can have a successful blog with lots of readership, subscriptions, products and, of course, money. Actually the people writing those councelling sites are those who earn the money by selling their books and courses, and not necessarily their clients. 

However, the councelling sites seem to teach you that a blogger should be polite, pay attention to his readers and write what they (the readers) like (to hear). Even if you hate someone, remain polite because the reader may become a customer. 

I am not into all this and follow my own feelings. When I have something to say, I say it and don't care about my environment. But the astonishing result is that those people anxiously trying to be so tolerant and liberal (everyone's Buddy) do have the most success. Why ? I have no idea. Maybe the world doesn't like people with an own opinion anymore. 

What does this have to do with Moshe going to Pharao ?

It is not the question whether Moshe was afraid or not but how do we deal with the situation when we go to Pharao ? How do we deal with managing difficulties in our lives and whether we act according to who we really are or if we just put on a mask and run after the outside world.

Victor Frankl

B"H

It is never too late and we always keep on learning:

Last Shabbat I learnt about the amazing Victor Frankl

... We stumbled on in the darkness, over big stones and through large puddles, along the one road leading from the camp. The accompanying guards kept shouting at us and driving us with the butts of their rifles. Anyone with very sore feet supported himself on his neighbor's arm. Hardly a word was spoken; the icy wind did not encourage talk. Hiding his mouth behind his upturned collar, the man marching next to me whispered suddenly: "If our wives could see us now! I do hope they are better off in their camps and don't know what is happening to us."
That brought thoughts of my own wife to mind. And as we stumbled on for miles, slipping on icy spots, supporting each other time and again, dragging one another up and onward, nothing was said, but we both knew: each of us was thinking of his wife. Occasionally I looked at the sky, where the stars were fading and the pink light of the morning was beginning to spread behind a dark bank of clouds. But my mind clung to my wife's image, imagining it with an uncanny acuteness. I heard her answering me, saw her smile, her frank and encouraging look. Real or not, her look was then more luminous than the sun which was beginning to rise.


A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth -- that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love. I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved. In a position of utter desolation, when man cannot express himself in positive action, when his only achievement may consist in enduring his sufferings in the right way—an honorable way—in such a position man can, through loving contemplation of the image he carries of his beloved, achieve fulfillment. For the first time in my life I was able to understand the meaning of the words, "The angels are lost in perpetual contemplation of an infinite glory...." [7]


Another important conclusion for Frankl was:


If a prisoner felt that he could no longer endure the realities of camp life, he found a way out in his mental life– an invaluable opportunity to dwell in the spiritual domain, the one that the SS were unable to destroy. Spiritual life strengthened the prisoner, helped him adapt, and thereby improved his chances of survival.[8]

Avivah Gottlieb - Zornberg: "Psychology in the Bible"

Why I write about Chassidut ?

B"H

Yesterday I had a discussion with an academic artist. A woman who studied art, has a degree and collects any books on art or travels the world in order to see art collections / exhibitions.

I told her that I write about the haredi world, Judaism and, in particular, about Chassidut.

Why, she asked ?

Because I am searching for myself. I once joined chassidic society and failed due to too much pressure I put upon myself. Now I am looking for the reason why I failed, try to fix something and maybe find a way back. This is why I write.

Don't we just all study a certain subject in order to find ourselves, she asked. I, for instance, do find myself in art and this is why I am obsessed with the subject. Each of us has his own way to find himself.

"I have never promised you a Rose Garden" - Rebellious Women in Chassidic Society

Picture: Kolel

B"H

Tel Aviv is like New York !

Open minded and big. Not as huge as New York but it offers enough room to hide.

Israel's Chozrei Be'She'ela usually escape to Tel Aviv in order to start a new "free" life.

Religious society loves to talk about the massive wave of Baalei Teshuva (Jews who became religious in the course of their life) but avoids mentioning its own members who became Chozrei Be'She'ela (religious Jews who became secular).

Once I became religious myself, got close to haredi society, to an "extreme" chassidic group but, in the end, I was unable to keep track with society demands and especially my own ones. I left and since I have undergone all kinds of religious and almost secular stages in my life.

For more than a year, I have been following three different stories of women leaving chassidic society and becoming secular. The question always remaining in the background is "How secular can you become ?" and "How strong is one hunted by guilt feelings ?"

I have read about a lot about Gitty Grunwald from New York leaving the Satmar society in Kiryat Yoel, about the former Satmar member Baile Glauber who became a police officer and about the Israeli case of Sarah Einfeld (leaving Chassidut Gur).

Gitty Grunwald became famous in summer 2008, when the "New York Magazine" printed her story but no one seems to know how she is today. Despite all the pity people felt, Gitty seems to be a real flake.

Baile Glauber was born into Satmar, was married and has a child. However, she dreamt about a "free" life and wanted to become a police officer. She left the Satmar community, started a police job in the New York area but was suspended just a few weeks ago. Last summer she filed a complaint because she felt being mistreated in her police unit. Her colleagues would be full of anti – Semitism towards her. Now the police do not want to give her a firm working contract. Baile admitted that already at an early age she became rebellious and started asking questions.

The most public case, however, comes from Israel. More than a year ago, Sarah Einfeld left the Gerrer (Gur) community in Ashdod and moved to Tel Aviv. Already two years ago, she started writing a blog in Hebrew which is extremely popular. Secular and Haredim read her short stories and life experiences / thoughts. She mainly expresses her pity for the "poor" rejected women in chassidic society who only learn to talk about children, getting pregnant and leading a life behind the stove. Life would be so much more than running after all the Takanot and keeping quiet in society. Men talk so much about the perfect "Eshet Chayil" and want their wives to be one because it means the wife shuts up and does not make trouble. Shut up and do what the Rebbe and society demands from you. Those jailed women do not think about having a REAL LIFE. Dreams, freedom and joy.

I find it rather astonishing that Gitty Grunwald as well as Sarah Einfeld show the same pattern. Both started to rebel at an early teenage age, both left chassidic society and both freaked out as soon as they had their freedom. Becoming totally secular. Sarah got some tattoos eats on Yom Kippur but does prepare food for Shabbat.

Gitty published pictures of her where she can be seen half naked. The "New York Magazine" put a whole slide show on its website. Almost the same with Sarah Einfeld: In the latest article about her in "Yediot Acharonot" from two months ago, Sarah is posing a kind of half naked, too.

It seems to me that former Haredim first freak as soon as they leave the group. Enjoying their personal freedom without any pressure. Suddenly they can do whatever their feel like, eat whatever they want, and Tel Aviv is paradise for those kind of people. Tel Aviv, the liberal city, where hardly anyone tells you what to do.

These three women represent a minority striving to fulfill their dreams. "Its my life" and I do not want to ask a Rebbe making decisions about me. Marrying me off at the age of 18 and keeping me in prison. I want to express feelings and improve my capabilities. Why not having a driving license like Sarah Einfeld did ? Why is everything forbidden to women but allowed to men ?

Sarah Einfeld's blog is read by many Haredim; male and female. Some use it as a gossip source because she published / is publishing the "secret" sex Takanot from Chassidut Gur. Only having sex twice a month and no foreplay is allowed. Women are forbidden to talk to others about their marriage and problems in the family.

It is just an amazing how certain patterns remain the same. A rebellious young woman leaving society and then trying to catch up with all the fun in life they may have missed. Trying to soak in as much secular pleasure as they can in order to distance themselves from their former lives. Nevertheless, eventually they will realize that there is no escape. You can hardly ever leave society when you grew up in it as those three women. Your thoughts will always be with your past. No matter how unkosher you eat, you always think about saying a blessing over the food. I said "thinking" but do not necessarily mean "saying". However, when you are used to a certain kind of behaviour, you cannot stop it within a few days or weeks.

As a matter of fact, chassidic groups are not too excited dealing with the subject and usually those cases of people leaving and turning secular is not too much published. Other members might follow and further women may get some rebellious ideas.

If those groups tried dealing with the problem as soon as a rebellion is showing up, they may avoid further problems. Instead parents, society and rabbis push the rebel into modest and appropriate behaviour. Threats and the family only thinks about its reputation and future Shidduchim for their other children.

Clip from Sarah Einfeld's movie (in Hebrew)

Each person is dealing with such a situation differently. Some suffer for years, others try to concentrate on the new life. A few even may return to haredi society.

It is obvious that chassidic groups are afraid of having such a "virus" spread in their society but threats are not a solution in order to keep the members on the right path. There will always be people born into societies who do not fit in. The perfect case would be a compromise between the two parties. Sometimes this can be reached and sometimes it just does not work and the member's escape is eternal.

Society failed

B"H

Further Mea Shearim demonstrations took place last night. The municipality of Jerusalem announced that, so far, a damage of 500.000 Shekels (approx. 150.000 Dollar) has been caused. Doctors and social workers are being threatened by the Edah HaCharedit or Toldot Aharon. Every hour there is more news and the question is, how we can deal with the flow of information. People keep on making comments and even claim to know the particular mother.

When I say that we do have to be careful with all the information given, it doesn't mean that I am ignoring the facts. Demonstrations are not a solution and especially some Mea Shearim societies have to understand that some of their members do suffer from certain disorders. Nothing can be ignored or be prayed away. Unfortunately, many Haredim say that, once a difficult person is married off, all the problems will be solved. Mental disorders ? Not, when you have children and a husband. Then you won't have time for all this but be with your family. Getting a quick Shidduch in order to shut up doesn't help but society refuses to listen. Especially not the elderly hardcore of a group.

The demonstrations are not only in order to free the abusive mother but, even more, they are a struggle for existence. The group has to continue existing, no matter what. Ideals have to be kept and no influence from the outside world is accepted or wanted. The arrest and the legal claims are seen as a threat to the whole Toldot Aharon society and not only an issue of an abusive mother. Society, according to a group, is more important, and here, society is in danger.

The group could split into two camps, for instance. Pro - and against the mother. Suddenly outsiders interfere.
What bothers me most when such cases come up that the victims are being left out. Everyone is talking about the mother, the Haredim, the Rabbis but where is the child ?

The latest news is, however, that the mother will probably stay in jail and has to undergo a psychiatric test. So far, she has refused saying any word.

See JERUSALEM POST

The House of Sigmund Freud

B"H

The Tel Aviv Film Festival is taking place from April 11 - April 30, 2009. One of the main subjects are Austrian movies and one really good documentary seems to be the one about the "House of Sigmund Freud" (Vienna, Berggasse 19). Kurt Mayer succeeded in interviewing many of the former neighbours of Freud; as well as talking to the new inhabitants of the building.

In Sigmund Freud's days, about 80 Jews used to live in the building of whom the majority was deported and killed in concentration camps. The Israeli daily MAARIV interviewed Kurt Mayer and he claimed that the vast majority of Austrians in those days knew exactly that the Jews were being killed.

Freud’s Lost Neighbors (Austria 2006)
Dir: Kurt Mayer

The film traces the history of Sigmund Freud’s neighbors from 1938 to today. While Freud and his closest relatives managed to leave Vienna in time, more than 80 of his immediate Jewish neighbors were deported to extermination camps between 1939 and 1942. Before they were deported, they stopped off at several locations in Vienna. This very special film about Vienna starts off at Berggasse 19 and heads for these places, thereby tracing the routes which were used in the course of “Aryanization” right under the eyes of the Viennese people. Therefore the house in Berggasse 19 – a fixed point in any visitor’s program of Jewish Vienna – is not only the “birthplace of psychoanalysis”. It also is a cinematic point of reference for an additional identity-creating culture of remembrance which tries to overcome the post-war consensus of “repression”, a concept first described by Freud himself. The Director will be present at the screening.
(90 min., Ger., Eng.& Heb. Sub)

Watch Out !!! WOMEN !!!!

B"H

I found this picture in an Israeli haredi forum and it actually describes this extraordinary kind of bicycle for the whole family. Well, I thought, that's nice but then I noticed the two white spots in the middle of the photo. I looked closer and realized that there were two females sitting on the bike and due to modesty reasons, the Haredim had cut out their faces.


Photos of women are not allowed in haredi society, as it is immodest and may cause the guys to think of something, well, "immodest" ?
It may give the impression that I am entirely dealing with the modesty issue in my blog but I am actually not. However, these topics and especially this picture with the white spots make me jump.

"Different Ways" - Children of famous Chassidim abandoning Religion

B"H

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch once wrote a commentary of why Esav and Yaakov turned out in such different ways. As we all know, Esav was a Rasha (evil person) and Yaakov was a Zaddik (righteous). Here, Rabbi Hirsch makes an extremely courageous and unique statement:
If Yitzchak and Rivka (Rebecca) had, at an early stage, realized that each child needs special attention, education and upbringing, then maybe they would have raised Esav in a different way. Whereas Yaakov was the study type, Esav loved to run around in the fields; a rather wild character. And according to Rabbi Hirsch, Esav should have not been forced into the study hall but should have done something more practical instead in order to satisfy his needs. Physical work, sports, etc.
Without criticizing Yitzchak raising his sons, children turn to be out different and not always the same, and a parent should realize the weaknesses and strength of a child and react in a proper way.
The question is if a different education could have prevented Esav from turning out to become a Rasha ? An interesting question, however, although it is unlikely that we get the right answer.

In Jewish history, our forefathers, famous rabbis and sages always had children who didn't turn out too righteous. At least not as pious as their parents used to be. I found some interesting remarks in David Assaf's book "Ne'echaz Basbach" where he, among other topics, describes the crisis in Chassidut. Particularly concerning the sons of different famous chassidic Rabbis.

Chassidut has many positive and admirable sides but, unfortunately, not everything was so great and perfect as it may should have been. Right after the Baal Shem Tov passed away, the first fights among his followers came up and different conflicts started. And, as I already said, having a great famous Rabbis as a parent doesn't mean a guarantee for perfect children.

Already the founder of Chabad, Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi, 1745 - 1812, had problems with his youngest son Moshe who converted to Christianity.

The son of Israel of Ruzhin, 1797 - 1851, went astray as well. His son Dov Baer of Leove, 1817 - 1876, got already married at the age of 14. His wife was Sheindel, the daughter of Rabbi Mordechai Twersky of Chernobyl, but it was not a happy marriage. After moving to different places and the death of his father, he was taken to Sadigura and some people spread the rumor that he was held as a prisoner by his brother. After Dov Baer came to live in Czernowitz, he declared in 1869, that he "wished to eliminate the foolish customs that have no basis in Judaism and to remove the thorns from the vineyard of the House of Israel". He decided to join the Maskilim (Enlightenment). Until his death he lived in Sadigura, deserted by his wife and ignored by his brothers and his former students.

The next case is Yechezkel, the son Rabbi Aryeh Leib of Kozmir. Also Yechezkel left religion and even changed his name into "Stanilaus Hoga".

The brother - in - law of Rabbi Avraham Yehoshua Heshel of Apta, and son of Rabbi Chaim Tirer of Czernowitz, Kalman Kalonymus, became an apikoret (heretic). He started playing cards, ate treife (non - kosher) food, and was eventually forced to divorce his wife Yocheved, the sister of the Apta (Opatov) Rebbe.

Me'ir, the son of the Hungarian Zaddik, Rabbi Yitzchak Eisik of Kalov, seemingly started to become secular after the death of his father.

There are many more other examples and we see that no family in this world is perfect. It may not always be the right / wrong way of upbringing and education; many Jews are looking for something more open - minded and simply have enough of their strict upbringing and all the rules. I am sure that there are different reasons and it is important for us to realize that not everyone is walking into ONE direction or is expressing oneselve in only ONE way. Not every human is the same and it is wrong putting or forcing people into certain societies or positions where they don't belong.

A few months ago, an elderly lady from Karlin - Stolin told me that in Stolin they try to raise the children according to their needs and various characters. However, to strengthen the ways and in order not to let young Chassidim go astray, the families marry them off at the young age of 18. "Then they have a family and don't think about running away anymore", so the woman said.
For some people this may turn out right but for others it might end as a disaster.

"The Rebbe is Alive" – Psychological Aspects of Chabad Messianism

B"H

About 50 people showed up for the lecture in the Feldman Building of Hebrew University of Jerusalem (Institute for Advanced Studies) given by Professor Yoram Bilu (Anthropology and Psychology). The lecture was supposed to explain the psychological aspects of Chabad Messianism.

As Prof. Bilu, I am also making it very clear that not every member of the chassidic group Chabad (Lubavitch) is someone who believes that the seventh and last Rebbe Menachem Mendel Schneerson is the Meshiach. Those who do are being called "Meshichistim".

Chabad itself is split into different fractions, and the Meshichistim are the most aggressive group of all. Just look at the violent incidents between them and the non – Meshichistim when it comes to the former house of the Rebbe, 770 Eastern Parkway in Crown Heights / Brooklyn. Officially, 770 is run by the non – Meshichistim but the majority rules and the building is totally under Meshichistim control. According to their ideology, Rebbe Schneerson didn't pass away in June 1994, but he became invisible. We are not able to see him because he now lives in a higher spiritual world / dimension. There, the Rebbe still exists and when the time is right, he is going to reveal himself as the Meshiach.
Although the Rebbe is invisible, he still rules over the life of a Meshichist, Chabadnik, us, whatever you like. The Rebbe is always around, even if we don't see him. He is still alive ("Chai veKayam") – according to the Meshichist ideology.

The seventh and last Lubavitsher Rebbe Menachem Mendel Schneerson


In his introduction, Professor Bilu emphasized that he is not a Judaic expert but would like to concentrate on the Chabad Meshichistim.
Why do they act this way ? The goal was to examine certain psychological ways of behaviour. And by the way, some Chabadnikim were actually part of the audience. Among them at least one Meshichist, as his "Yechi Adonenu …" Kipa showed.

In the beginning, Bilu tried to explain why people run after different religions and sometimes end up in an extreme. His analysis was that many people with all kinds of problems like to join such groups. Not every religious person has problems but when you look at many newcomers, you can notice a certain trend. Some people think that religion will give them all the answers and solutions they have been looking for. A new life, a meaningful life and sometimes courage and hope for a better future.

As I have already mentioned, according to the Meshichistim, the Rebbe is still alive and is going to reveal himself soon; hence, becoming visible again. There is a tiny group in the US proclaiming the Rebbe not only as the Meshiach but also as "G – d". This, however, is even for most Meshichistim too far off.

In 1951, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson became the seventh and last Rebbe of Chabad (Lubavitch). Thus, he became a successor of his father – in – law Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Schneersohn. Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak was the first one, putting more emphasis on a Messianic ideology. Until then, Chabad had been just a normal chassidic group as everyone else but later ended up in all this Messianic ideas. After his father – in – law had passed away, Rebbe Menachem Mendel Schneerson stated that Rebbe Yosef Yitzchak would have the potential of being the Meshiach. Later he claimed that the soul of Rebbe Yosef Yitzchak has entered his body and united with his soul.
Until his death in June 1994, the Rebbe never changed his Messianic group emphasis. He kept on encouraging his Chassidim singing "Yechi Adonenu Morenu veRabbenu Melech HaMeshiach LeOlam vaEd". Even though after his stroke in 1992.


770 Eastern Parkway / Brooklyn: The house of the last Lubavitcher Rebbe.

According to the Meshichistim: In the time of the Third Temple, 770 is going to fly over to the Temple Mount in Jerusalem and unite with the new Temple.


Prof. Yoram Bilu said that he had interviewed different Meshichistim from Kfar Chabad (near Rishon LeZion) and from Bat Yam (near Tel Aviv). And, as usual, the comparison between the Lubavitcher Rebbe and Elvis Presley was made, as both have followers claiming that their particular idol is still alive and never died.
And, how else could it be, the Christian Meshiach J. was also mentioned.
At this point, Bilu showed that Chabad is in a much easier position today by using the Interet and is thus able to spread its Meshiach ideology within seconds around the globe. And this is exactly what Chabad exploits for itself: today's technology. Posters, gigantic posters of the Rebbe for Meshichistim, the Rebbe's face can be found on souvernirs, e.g. on watches. The Rebbe is always "around". Even the summer camps for the kids are full or posters. The Rebbe is always close and superior and ruling everything. There is just no escape and someone from the audience stated that this rather reminds him of George Orwell's BIG BROTHER. The Rebbe sees and hears everything and is never far away. And all this neverending and being constantly reminded is an important psychological aspect to keep up the Meshichist's ideology. However, the non – Meshichistim are not much better and also know how to use technology and the mass media for their own purposes.
After his death, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson is the absolute superstar. A brand name selling well and, at the same time, he still draws people closer to Judaism.

Not only the posters guarantee that the Rebbe continues to "live", additionally his letters are available as a 29 – volume – collection and are being called "Iggeret HaKodesh". The "Iggeret HaKodesh" are handed out to everyone'. Whoever has a question, no matter of what kind, can write it down on a piece of paper, put it into the "Iggeret HaKOdesch" and then look at the sentence it stuck onto. This sentence should be the answer and people not understanding the context, are advised to go to a Chabad expert on this matter in order to get an explanation. The "Iggeret HaKodesh" turned into an automatic reply of the "invisible" Rebbe.

Prior to his death, people had to send him their questions by mail and had to wait a long time for the answer to come. Now, everybody can communicate with the Rebbe; in case he puts the small note into the "Iggeret HaKodesh". The non – Meshichistim don't use the "Iggeret HaKodesh Method" not as often as the Meshischim. They do but much less and not like one of Meshichistim consulting his "Iggeret Hakodesh" if the Rebbe allows him to answer the questions of Prof. Bilu.

Furthermore, there are plenty of Chabadnikim (especially Meshichistim) seeing the Rebbe in their dreams. The Rebbe, on his part, is talking to those people. According to Bilu, most people seeing the Rebbe in their dreams are totally sane. Of course, there are always some with a few mental mental problems but not too many in this case. The majority is normal and this is what makes it so hard to understand the phenomenon. One explanation would be the virtual world; the Rebbe appears on millions of posters and is always around. And, as I said, there is no escape.
In Christianity, mostly women and children have their visions; in Chabad, more men see the Rebbe than women.

When Rebbe Menachem Mendel Schneerson died, many of his Chassidim referred to his death as a catastrophe. It just couldn' t be that the Rebbe is no longer in this world. Was this the reason why many couldn't grasp the idea of the Rebbe being dead. Were they afraid of being left behind or alone ? How should the group continue to exist ? However, Chabad is not the only Chassidut without a Rebbe, as the same happened to Breslov. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov died in 1810, and since, the group has been without a real leadership. Nevertheless, Breslov survived.
But Chabad is different because while the Rebbe was still alive, many Chassidim had already believed that he is the Meshiach or at least that he has the potential of being the Meshiach. And then he passes away and a dead person cannot be the Meshiach.

The conflict between the Meshichistim and their counterparts can be quite violent. Until today, the Meshichistim in 770 keep up the Rebbe's daily life. Three times a day, he used to come down and go to pray. The Meshichistim still open the doors so that the Rebbe "can pass through". Additionally he is being called up to the Torah. Sometimes a table is set up with Dollar bills on it and someone is handing them out just like the Rebbe did. Don't forget the claim of the Meshichistim that the Rebbe still lives in 770. They even published a video where we witness the Rebbe's call to the Torah. His Chassidim step aside and suddenly we see this white shadow appearing looking similar to the Rebbe. It goes without saying that this is a computer animation (photoshop ?) and the Rebbe here is no real at all. The Chabad ideology of the "Yesh" and "Ayin" allows the thesis the Rebbe moves around between our material and y=th upper spiritual words. For us, this idea of the Rebbe only disappearing and that he now moves through invisible dimensions just seems so ridiculous. Someone from the audience asked why still so many people seem to join and go fot this idea. Prof. Bilu's explanation was that the born Chabadnikim are born into society anyway and know everything from childhood on. Additionally, today's Baalei Teshuva (born Jews becoming religious later on in their lifes) are extremely vulnerable to those ideas. Prof. Bilu admitted that there is no perfect answer and he himself just presented a brief overview.

The event was quite successful although I knew most aspects beforehand. However, the topic should also make us think of how and if further chassidic groups use the Internet and all kinds of mass media for their own purposes ?

Choices to Make

B"H

Since I intensely started studying about Judaism (which has now been for about 13 years), I have been using the chances to look into many different directions within Orthodoxy. And because I got to know various directions, I could not make up my mind which one to join. I am definitely not Chabad or Breslov although I studied with both groups. I am definitely not national religious although I studied with the movement for quite a while.

Chassidut as well as Kabbalah teach us about soul roots. I have to find my soul root in order to connect to Judaism and especially to know where exactly to connect. Jews who were not born religious have to find an approach to religious life if they decide to keep Mitzwot. What kind of ideas bring me closer to my religion ? What do I like studying and what does apply to me ? Is it Torah, prayer, Mussar (ethics), Halachot, history, philosophy, Talmud or whatever.Today, many newcomers also start with kabbalistic or spiritual approaches. The first steps are very important because it is the very beginning leading you somewhere. Not always true, as people may start off as litvish and, later on become chassidic etc. However, the first steps can form your inner being and approach. You find out about your personal strength. For instance, what you like to learn and how. On what kind of topic you should concentrate. Basic Jewish studies should take place with a Rabbi in a program or in Yeshiva. Don't try the "Do - it - yourself" - method and just buy some books and start reading. First your mindset has to get organized and later on you can still go on studying by yourself.

Especially in Jerusalem you have plenty of choices where to go to. Hundreds of different synagogues, chassidic, national religious, litvish, programs, whatever you dream of. What I personally like very much is talking to all those people. At the National Library in Jerusalem I have been meeting many Haredim. Mostly Chassidim who, at such a place, open up and even talk to women. Most of the people I have been meeting are busy writing books on Judaism like one Chassid writing a book on how Greek philosophy influenced Judaism. It is from those kind of people I learn most, as they usually have a vast knowledge and, additionally they talk to women; at least at the library. And it is those guys also sometimes questioning and criticizing their own society.

I found out for myself what I actually like to study and with what kind of people I like o deal with. All those holy books and commentaries are tremendously important but you should still remain a thinking person and not get carried away too far. One Chassid told me that he does everything his Rebbe says. Once, so he told me, he found the perfect Shidduch and intended to marry that woman. He went to his Rebbe who advised him not to marry her. Thus, he ended up not marrying her which he regrets until today. I asked him why he didn't just marry this particular woman. The Rebbe can say whatever he likes but there are issues which should remain private personal. "You see, the Chassid said, this is why you are not a member of a chassidic group. You cannot listen to any Rebbe".

There are so many different directions and choices and after all those year I realized that I don't fit in anywhere. Sometimes I am here and tomorrow I am there. Without running after acceptance or wanting to be a firm part of any group. First I thought that there must be something wrong with me. Everyone else seemed to have a place within society and I was just wandering around. After a certain time I just got used to it and now I feel very comfortable with being independent. Not free from G - d but free from society, pressure and expectations. Furthermore, I am able to write whatever I want and don't have to think of consequences from my personal direction.

Not everyone is made to fit in and there are plenty of people who are religious, study but still remain critical and independent.

So, what is it about Tel Aviv ?

B"H

Every country has its city where people can just escape to. In Israel the place is called "Tel Aviv".
You want to leave home after becoming an adult and build up a life or you just need to escape because you are fed up with something - go to Tel Aviv, as everyone does. Especially young people move to Tel Aviv. The city has the reputation of "a city that never sleeps", and moreover, it has the most jobs to offer. Jobs, higher salaries and a high quality of life. These positive things stand against the extremely high prices. Everything is so expensive and once you start enjoying life, there goes your income.

Tel Aviv is the city of the secular although there are religious Jews. However, if you want something really religious, really haredi, you go to Bnei Brak located right next to Tel Aviv. And, as I spoke about "escaping", many religious Jews, in particular Haredim, like to escape as well. Escaping from society where everyone is watching you. A Haredi in Jerusalem, Kiryat Sefer or Beitar is constantly being watched. Of course, he can go home, shut his door and then nobody sees him. But it is not the "just not want to be seen"; it is looking for freedom.

Many Haredim, especially the male, tell me that they would love to escape to Tel Aviv for a day or two. Just go and enjoy life. Be free in a city where no one is watching you; where you can be yourself. At least for a few hours.
Such an escape has nothing to do with escaping from religion or G - d. In most cases it doesn't mean to exploit freedom and eat trefe (non - kosher food) etc. What it means is having your own personal freedom without having to justify certain actions. Furthermore, it is always good to leave for a while and see something else.

Of course, there are those Haredim from Jerusalem or Bnei Brak who, once a week, go to Tel Aviv in order to go to bars. Some of them even dress up as secular Jews. Religious life can be so intense that you start feeling to miss something. Sometimes just only nature or other people.

I know all those feelings myself, as in Tel Aviv I can be whoever I want. Actually I could do the same in Jerusalem but there, people have the mentality to stare at you. If you don't think the "Jerusalem way", you are a kind of out. Not only concerning religion.

There are times when the religious very much go on my nerves. Particularly those who claim to be religious and, in reality, they are not. They don't even know that they are the opposite of religious. Everyone seems to be so holy and just the opposite is the case. It just makes me either throw up or run away. Religious institutions where you have to behave in a specific way and if you don't, you are out. No, not out because of misbehaving but out because of not sharing the same opinions in every aspect of life.

This Friday, I am going back to Tel Aviv for a longer period of time. I felt that this is the place where I want to live; not only because of more freedom. I simply feel the desire of changing something in my life. Finding new friends and having a different environment. If I miss Jerusalem, I can still go back for a day or Shabbat. However, I told this to a few Haredim I know (not the fakes) and they immediately envied me. "I would love to go somewhere else and just be myself for a while", they said.

I think that just being alone for a day is an important factor in religious life. You can enjoy yourself so much in order to return to society in a more relaxed way. Or at least, you got new strength to pretend a lifestyle you don't even want. But you grew up this way and there is nothing else you can do about.

Or maybe there is …

The "Teshuva Pressure"

B"H

For all those who, like me, need a second chance:

With the beginning of the month of Elul, we already start thinking about the speedily approaching holiday of Rosh HaShana; and as soon as the Jewish New Year is over, we think about the next holiday Yom Kippur.

Both holidays have to do with "Teshuva - Repentance".
G - d is judging the whole world and humankind on Rosh HaShana. Ten days later, on Yom Kippur, He is sealing His judgment of the Jewish People. Some chassidic sources claim that we Jews still have time until Chanukkah and only then, everything will be final.

Especially from Elul and in the following month of Tishrei, Teshuva is THE most important concern. How is G - d going to judge me ? Favourably or rather stringent ? Does my Teshuva really help and how should the perfect Teshuva look like ?

Many Jews do anything before those two important holidays. They try doing their best in order to reach the most suitable Teshuva and thus G - d's most positive judgment. But what happens if you honestly try doing your best but everything seems to go down the drain ?

Exactly this way I felt last Rosh HaShana and at the moment, I don't even think about Yom Kippur.

First of all, I missed all Selichot prayers. I know that my reason may sound ridiculous to some people but, nevertheless, I still announce it: I couldn't find any time.

When I do something, I try to do it perfect and according to my opinion, Selichot - prayers should be said at the Kotel (Western Wall). Especially when someone, as I do, lives in Jerusalem. For some reason, I never made it to the Kotel. Either I was working until late or simply too tired.

Then I promised myself to give my utmost at the Synagogue service on the holiday itself. In my eyes I failed because already during the "Shema" I was half asleep. Usually I don't notice how tired or exhausted I am but as soon as I sit down for a day or two and do nothing but praying and eating, I fall asleep. My whole Synagogue service was mostly falling asleep but I hadn't given up hope. During the Chazan's repetition of the "Shemonah Ezrei - prayer", the at Neve Yerushalaim teaching Rabbi, Rabbi Yaakov Marcus, offered an alternative class and I participated. I cannot tell you anything else but I just slept through the Shiur.

I started getting depressed. Everyone around me seemed to be so full of Teshuva, prayer, Kavanah (intention), anything, and I felt like I was just loosing it. I just felt groggy but was unable to improve my situation.

I went to Rabbi Mordechai Machlis for lunch and also almost fell asleep. And the Machlises offered so much unbelievable tasty food that I got really tired afterwards. I was taking into consideration to go to bed and just sleep. Be ready for the second day, as the first was a mess. However, I went back to the Machlises for dinner and there I spoke to my friend Sarah Shirel. And it was her who cheered me up. "Sometimes G - d gives us certain signs and we shouldn't ignore them. Wasn't my constantly being tired a sign that I work too much ? Why not cutting down hours and instead enjoying life or do something else ? And are those people praying and doing Teshuva nonstop really that holy ? Doesn't cause successful prayer or repentance arrogance ? How many people are so sure that they did so much and thus G - d has to judge them favourably ? What about all the others who didn't succeed but were planning to ?"

When Sarah Shirel gave me her opinion I seriously started thinking and began viewing my situation from a different point of view. Why not accepting that I was weak and not too fit ? Is G - d going to punish me now ?

Rabbi Marcus gave an easy understandable explanation of what Rosh HaShana is really all about:

We decide if we get closer to G - d or if we move further away from Him.

I always decide to get closer but somehow hardly succeed in doing it the proper halachic way. At least not in the "constantly prayer way". However, I think that too many of us hear about the holidays and doing Teshuva and immediately start making too many efforts. If not efforts, at least start feeling guilty about not making them.



Is there a real "Teshuva - Superman" ? Or should we rather admit our weaknesses ?

Maybe we should take everything a little easier and thus not destroying ourselves and the joy of serving G - d. Simply avoid forcing and permanently putting pressure upon ourselves. If we do so, we still have a great, successful and spiritual Rosh HaShana without causing ourselves any kind of depression. And G - d doesn't expect us to be so terribly perfect but rather wants some honest feelings coming from our hearts.

Everyone will stare at you !

B"H

Just recently, I witnessed a very interesting scene and to tell the truth, I was glad not to be too much involved.

I was sitting together with a friend of mine and another woman was joining us. My friend and the other woman are both from New York. My friend has been visiting Jerusalem for some time and has started going to a litvishe program for Baalei Teshuva (Jews who become religious later on in their lives).

The other woman sitting down next to us was in the middle of her thirties, she is black, converted to Judaism and has been studying at the same institution as my friend for quite a while.

The black woman said to my friend that, as she is now studying at this litvishe institution, she should change clothes. Instead of pants or stylish New York clothes, she should start becoming a modest woman. Someone frum. Long skirts, long sleeves, stockings and a frum hairstyle - whatever that means. If my friend wouldn't do so soon, all the other frum litvishe girls would stare at her. And not only them, all frum people would just stare at her, and this wouldn't be too comfortable.

"If you want to get accepted, you need to change", the black woman said. And by the way, wearing pants is an Aveirah (sin) anyway. We are in the month of Elul and you should avoid doing Aveirot".

My friend just blew up on her and said: "I am sick and tired of you. You frummies just keep on telling me what do do. How to dress, how to behave, how to get accepted. I don't want to get accepted and I don't give a damn. I am only here for a few weeks and don't care what you guys tell me. Just leave me alone".

"Well, the black woman responded anxiously, if you don't change, people keep on staring and you. You are not in New York and Jerusalem is different. But if you are fine with not being accepted, well, I am just letting you know".

"Yes, I am very fine with it, my friend yelled. I am so sick of being told - wear this and that - , this is an Aveirah and that, don't touch a dog on Shabbat, don't say this because it is Lashon HaRah (idle gossip). I cannot tell you how you people are driving me nuts. I want to be myself and squeezing myself into some frum clothes and going like "nanana" is just not me. Don't you people get it ?"

My friend got more and more upset and so did the black woman.

The black woman was so anxious and I started feeling sorry for her. She almost cried when she told us that everyone is always staring at her, as if she doesn't belong to the Jews.

"Why, because you are black ?", my friend asked.

"Well, I could be Ethiopian, but Israelis realize that I am not. I don't look Ethiopian and thus people think that an American black person cannot be Jewish. They look at me as a stranger".

The black woman really wants to be part of the Jewish people; part of the frum society. And she does anything to satisfy all necessary demands. I told her that she does too much.

You cannot always do Mitzwot and think that other people pay attention and see how great you are. You are doing Mitzwot, so what ? Do them because you want to do them and because of G - d, and not for the neighbours.

After the black woman had left, my friend told me that such people really go on her nerves. Of course, you have to feel sorry for them, in a way. They think that once they show everyone that they are so great, all the Haredim are coming to embrace and accept them.

I told my friend that at the very beginning, I probably did the same. However, after a short while I was sick of running after recognition and just started doing my own thing. Keeping Mitzwot, yes, but for myself and not for my environment. I stopped running after acceptance. And since, my life has become much happier. Whoever accepts me can do so, and if not, well, I cannot change someone's mind. So, they don't accept me ? So, what ?
Shall I kill myself ?

I don't run after society and I couldn’t be around such kind of Baalei Teshuva meaning so well all the time. I am not talking about the black woman but in general. Many Baalei Teshuva come up to you and let you know how you should think and do this and that. Everyone means soooo well and they don't realize how much they go on the nerves of others.

____________________________

To be continued !
As there is no end to the problem.