Eshet Chayil - the womens' role in haredi society

B"H

People meeting haredi women in the streets might automatically think of them as modern slaves to their husbands and haredi society. For outsiders, they seem to have hardly any rights due to the rabbis predominance. But how is the daily life of a haredit (haredi woman) and what does she think about her role ?

First of all, we have to differentiate between various haredi groups. The role of a haredit in Israel is not the same as the one in New York or London. Furthermore, there is a big difference between chassidic, litvish and modern - orthodox society.
For the haredit born into haredi society (who did not join the society later), her role already starts in her earliest childhood. At the age of three, they go to a haredi kindergarden and later join the haredi girls school Beit Yaakov. Almost each chassidic group has its own Beit Yaakov and even if there are other names for the schools, the systems remains the same. Litvishe haredim do have their own Beit Yaakov and do not mix with chassidim.
The Beit Yaakov system in Israel is very different from the one abroad. For example, in New York, Beit Yaakov is more open minded and more intellectual. This is one of the reasons why many Israeli haredim avoid marrying a girl from abroad. Some think that the girls might be too open minded. However, today many Israeli haredim changed their minds and do marry girls from abroad. Many times the reasons are money and a foreign passport. In general, Americans are considered as rich, and who does not want to live in the US ?

What exactly do learn haredi girls in Beit Yaakov or other haredi schools ? Also here we find differences between chassidim and litvish. In general, girls learn Torah, how to raise their future children, maths, geography, history and Tehillim (Psalms). The Torah level taught is not on the highest level, as you can surely imagine. Talmud is not taught at all and foreign languages such as English, are only taught in certain schools.

Haredim like to quote a certain Passuk from the Talmud where it says that men have different tasks in life than women. And the womens' task is not to study Talmud. However, we could discuss many interpretations of this Passuk but those women cannot, as they do not have the knowledge. However, the latest Chabad Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, decided that women do have to study the Talmud.

After high school, most girls are already getting married at the age of 17 or 18. Once they are married, they do not have to serve in the Israeli army, and also do not serve in the national social service (Sherut Leumi), as the girls from the national religious movement.
From the earliest childhood, hredi girls are being prepared for their future family life. The haredit should find a suitable husband, preferably a Ben Torah (a Torah student). I should mention, that many haredim have already changed their minds about this. At least among the litvishe haredim. There, the husband should go to work, earn money and not study Torah the whole day.
Nevertheless, in chassidic circles this is unacceptable. The husband has to study and the woman is earning the money and taking care of the household. The chassidim from Gur (Gerer) are quite helpful and support their wifes while the Belzer chassidim would only like to see their wifes earning the income and taking care of the house.

The main task of the haredit is raising the kids and taking care of the household. She should be the perfect Eshet Chayil and be very modest. Wear modest clothes and behave accordingly in public.
Besides her tasks she can have certain hobbies and go out. Usually the women go to shiurim (relig. classes). Furthermore, they join music groups and cooking or sports classes. They go on trips to cemetries where famous rabbis are buried or to famous synagogues. All events are organized by their own group and the harediot do stick to it. Each chassidic group has its own womens' organization for social services such as visiting the sick or collecting donations.

You hardly find any women in the haredi press. Neither as authors nor in articles about women issues. Photos showing women are strictly forbidden in the haredi press.

So far, your prejudices are probably being confirmed but there are harediot who have a different life. Not everyone is stuck in society. There are women studying the Talmud, even with their husbands. There are even famous wifes of rabbis. The wife of the former Satmarer Rebbe, Feiga Teitelbaum, was as famous as a popstar in chassidic society. Even men asked her questions.
The wife of a former Vishnitzer Rebbe advised her husband in many issues. In Chassidiut Belz, the wife of the Rebbe (Admor) should be an example for all the women. In Chassidut Gur, the womens' role is very limited.

There are academic women in litvish and chassidic society. Lawyers, doctors, professors, scientists etc. It very much depends on where you live, if the husband agrees and if society accepts it. Israeli harediot are less educated for two reasons: 1. They don't like to study at universities because of modesty reasons. At universities, men and women study toegether.
2. Most of them are not qualified for university studies, as the Israeli Beit Yaakov does not provide its students with higher education.

Now many of you will ask how those women suffer and still remain in haredi society. The common sense says that they should run away as fast as they can. However, your opinion about life is not their opinion. What seems best to me doesn’t mean it is the best for everyone else.
Whoever speaks to harediot will hardly hear the word "Feminism". They grow up in a certain way and never learned anything else which makes it much easier to accept their life style. They do not miss anything because they don't know anything else. In their eyes, they lead the most perfect religious life, and sometimes they do look down on the non – religious.
Neither world is perfect and as soon as a haredit starts to rebell, applies for divorce or is causing trouble in oher ways, she will be confronted with the mens' society which does not support rebells.

Each women has to make up her own mind in which society she will be happy. If there are no problems whatsoever, the women can be very happy and enjoy life. The problems only start when there is trouble. A rebellion against the system would never be successful or change anything. Convincing the rabbis is hard and sometimes it takes years or even centuries.
One thing should be very clear: In my home I can do whatever I want and it is no ones business. Not even the neighbour's business.

At the end, I should mention that I completely left out the sephardi women. In sephardi society is is totally unacceptable that women study Talmud or have an academic education let alone higher Torah knowledge.