The Teshuva Pressure

Ritual washing hands in front of the Kotel (Western Wall)

Photo: Miriam Woelke

B"H

So, here we are. Yom Kippur is right ahead of us and the present "Aseret Yame'i Teshuva - Ten Days of Repentance" are just screaming out to us: "Teshuva, Teshuva, Teshuva !"

Usually when I hear the word TESHUVA, I just see a tons of Mitzvot and rules right in front of me. Such an amount of Mitzvot piling up to a mountain. This is the time when I start panicking. I don't necessarily see myself as a failure but there are times when you feel that you simply cannot make it. To get out of this pressure situation, you keep telling yourself that everything has got so bad that you probably won't make it anyway. So, why then start at all ? The word TESHUVA alone seems like a huge burden and the only solution is: Escape.

Last night I went to a Shiur where the Rabbi was talking about Yom Kippur and Teshuva. There weren't too many people because the Shiur started right after Zom Gedaliyah was over. However, those few people listening to the Rabbi apparently thought like me. One woman asked the Rabbi whether we now have to do a perfect Teshuva. All of us looked at the Rabbi with the hope that he may say NO.

To make a long story short, he didn't say NO but he did give us hope. 

Teshuva doesn't mean correcting the whole world and turning into the most perfect person within a few days. Instead Teshuva begins within ourselves. We should ask ourselves what we can do. In small steps and not a speedy exaggerated kind of Teshuva. 

Sit down and think about what YOU can do. Don't look at the world or your neighbour but your own little step of Teshuva according to your potential. With what are you comfortable and how you should continue in the future ? Don't think about huge changes but tiny little steps on you path of becoming a better person.

When the Rabbi said "Tiny Steps" we were all happy. Suddenly Teshuva didn't sound like such a great and impossible burden but a task we can learn how to deal with. There is no need for becoming a complete person within seconds and this is what encouraged us to get some Teshuva done.

Rosh Chodesh Elul - ראש חודש אלול

"The King is in the Field - HaMelech Ba'Sade"

B"H
 
Tomorrow night (Friday / Erev Shabbat) as well as on Shabbat itself and Sunday, we are celebrating the beginning of the new Jewish month ELUL (Rosh Chodesh ELUL). 

With ELUL we are entering the Teshuva period before the upcoming high holidays. This doesn't mean that we are unable to do Teshuva (Return to G - d) throughout the year. Nevertheless, that Elul is the month where we have a direct phone line (connection) to G - d.  

On Rosh Hashana (the Jewish New Year), G - d is going to judge the entire universe for the next upcoming year 5773: Who is going to live, who is going to die, will we be healthy, who is getting married, will there be war, peace or natural catastrophes … Everything concerning the New Year, G - d is going to decide on Rosh HaShana.  

A few days later, Rosh HaShana is followed by the highest Jewish holiday YOM KIPPUR (Day of Atonement). Whereas G - d judges His whole creation (Jews & Gentiles alike) on Rosh HaShana, the Jews are going to be specially judged on Yom Kippur. Then He is, so to speak, signing His final decision.  

This is one of the differences between Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur: Rosh HaShana is a day of judgement for the entire planet. No matter if someone is Jewish or not - Jewish. Yom Kippur, however, is an entirely Jewish holiday because it only concerns the Jews and their final judgement.  

Who then doesn't want to make a good impression before G - d ? 

The month of Elul is a great opportunity for us of doing so. Sephardi Jews already start their Selichot prayers with the beginning of Elul. Ashkenazi Jews only start their Selichot on the Mozzaei Shabbat (Saturday night after Shabbat ends) before Rosh HaShana.  

The month of ELUL is a time of looking back and return. Have we reached our goals during the year ? What mistakes did we make and how can we make everything better in the future ? Where have we failed and what did we accomplish ?  

G - d is not interested in us being the most perfect people in the world. What He is interested in is that we realize our mistakes, regret and follow the intention to make everything better in the future. 

Elul is the big month of Teshuva where we have to realize that there is more to this world than eat, drink, work and sleep. In Elul, Moshe went up to Mount Sinai in order to ask G - d for forgiveness for the Golden Calf. Elul is the month of awareness in connection with the sincere intention of correcting and perfecting oneself.

The King is in the Fields - המלך בשדה

B"H


Tomorrow night, Shabbat as well as on Sunday, the Jewish world is going to celebrate the new month of ELUL (Rosh Chodesh ELUL). Elul together with Tishrei (following Elul) are my personal favourite months of the year. Others love Purim or Pessach, I am tremendously in love with Rosh HaShana and Sukkot. It doesn't mean, I am leaving out Yom Kippur but, as you know, food is missing although we have to be like angels on that day and lift ourselves up without earthly needs. Especially in Chassidut, the month of Elul is extremely important because on the 18th day, we celebrate the birth of the great chassidic master, the Baal Shem Tov (born in 1698 or 1700). 

Generally, Elul is the month of Teshuva (repentance) and this concerns all of us. On Rosh HaShana, G - d is going to judge the whole world, including Jews and non - Jews, and all of us should make some kind of an effort by getting closer to the Creator and especially by looking into ourselves. Use Elul and look at all your actions throughout the year. In Hebrew this is called "Cheshbon Nefesh" and means that you should ask yourself, where you are standing in this world. How is each Jew connected to his fellow Jew and is he having a relationship with G - d ? Could he do better and how ? 

The Baal Shem Tov said that in Elul, "The King is in the Field - HaMelech Ba'Sade". Meaning that every person is able of having an easier approach to G - d Himself. Throughout the rest of the year, G - d is usually judging or listening to our prayers through intermediaries such as His Sefirot (symbolic for His character traits). During Elul, Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur, we can reach such a high level where we make G - d Himself refer to us. 

Going out in a field is not to be taken literally although many people (such as Breslover Chassidim) do go out in order to talk to G - d. And, as I said before, Elul is the time of looking and analyzing our own actions. Are we as approachable to others as G - d is ? Maybe we should learn from Him how to show some more Chesed and judge people more favourably. What would we say if G - d judged us as harsh as we sometimes judge other people ? 

Chesed (kindness), prayer and giving charity (Zedakah) are the attributes of the month of Elul. Show mercy upon others and look at the other side of a person. 

How else can we do Teshuva in Elul ?
By studying more Torah and thus getting closer to G - d. The Torah is not to be seen as a little story and book full of laws. We have to realize that the Torah is talking to us today and is giving us a special message we need to understand. If we do get the message, we will have a great and successful month of Elul and be successfully inscribed into the Book of Live (by G - d).

ELUL is coming

Photo: Miriam Woelke

B"H

Not only in chassidic thought, the month of ELUL is a vast subject. There is so much to say about ELUL and, at the moment, I am going through various sources in order to put together an informative new article on the topic. 

Personally, I love the month of Elul, as it stands for a new chance. In Chassidut we say: "The king is in the Field - HaMelech ba'Sadeh", meaning that there is no time when G - d puts Himself closer to us. Thus, this is the best time for doing a bit of Teshuva. However, this doesn't mean that Teshuva cannot be done at other times of the year too. We don't need to wait for Elul and Yom Kippur in order to change our lives. 

I also try doing some Teshuva and by going through different chassidic and other writings, I actually do get lots of food for thought. If my Teshuva attempt eventually succeeds in the end, we will see. Some attempts may and others may not. Nevertheless, I am never getting tired of  those attempts and every Elul is a new experience. Despite all kinds of failures, I never give up because there is always another day to try again. 

Well, I hope that I don't sound too much like Rabbi Nachman with that ! :-)

75 % of religious runaways find their way back to Teshuva

Today's article in the Israeli paper MA'ARIV

Photo: Miriam Woelke

B"H 

There is hope. Also for me ?

According to the latest poll among formerly religious Jews who left the fold, the vast majority (75 %) find their way back to religion after a while. This is what the Israeli daily MA'ARIV publishes today.

Please note, that the 75 % stand for national religious runaways only. Nothing, whatsoever, was mentioned about haredi Chozre'i be'Sheelah (Haredim becoming secular). Furthermore, the figure mainly refers to national religious runaways leaving religion while they were teenagers or pretty young in their early twenties. 

Some years ago, when I had this haredi drive becoming part of haredi society, something just blocked me all the way. I knew the haredi was the right way, as national religious society had never meant anything to me. Nevertheless, something kept me away even from being haredi. First of all probably my former flatmate who had become a religious "Vishnitz custom keeping" fanatic. Secondly, my own far too exaggerated, expectations. My body wanted but my soul just became a mess.

For the time being, I am neither defining myself as national religious nor as haredi. I look chiloini (secular) but don't really behave this way. Fanatic seculars see in me a religious fanatic from Mea Shearim, Sima Zalcberg who spied on the Toldot Aharon even accused me on the phone of being a Toldot Aharon spy. This was quite funny, as the Toldot Aharon wouldn't really accept me as their spy. Certainly not in my jeans camouflage.:-)

Haredi society, however, doesn't know to put me into a category. Not as soon as I start talking to them. "How come a woman in pants knows about haredi society, Rabbis, Torah, Halacha and even Talmud ? This can't be that someone from Tel Aviv understands great parts of the Yiddish language and knows haredi vocabulary".

Rabbi Akivah found his way at the age of 40. I am a bit older and still looking for my way. But, never give up hope ...

SFORNO on Parashat Nitzavim

 Gesehen in Jerusalem

Photo: Miriam Woelke

B"H 

The ideal repentance is motivated by the desire to return to G – d, not because one seeks to rid oneself of suffering, and benefit from Divine blessings.

A prayer can enter through all Gates

Medziborz

From the Baal Shem Tov Exhibition at the Jewish National Library in Jerusalem (July 2010)

Photo: Miriam Woelke

 B"H

"In a king's palace there are hundreds of rooms, and on the door of each room there is a different lock that requires a special key to open it. But there is a master key which can open all the locks. That is a broken heart. When a person sincerely breaks his heart before G - d his prayers can enter through all the gates and into all the rooms of the celestial palace of G - d." 

From the BAAL SHEM TOV

Leibby & Baba Elazar: Tisha Be'Av Theories

In Bnei Brak

Photo: Miriam Woelke

B"H

When I hate something then it is definitely the question asking whose fault it was. As soon as something terrible is happening, haredi society is immediately starting its theories. Years ago, an Israeli school bus was involved in a deadly accident and a Rabbi made the statement that the there must have been something wrong with the Mezuzot of the dead children.

After Leibby Kletzki's body was found, further theories started. Whether G - d wants to give us a sign and what we should learn from the brutal murder of the child ? If the Jews have been sinning too much and whether little Leibby's fate is supposed to lead us to Teshuva (repentance) ?

The same now with the murder of Rabbi Elazar Abuchatzeira. All these deadly events happening during the three weeks before Tisha Be'Av. Do we have to do Teshuva ?

It is true that the two incidents happened before shortly Tisha Be'Av but we humans tend to search for answers. A tragedy, we are unable to grasp, happened and instantly people start speculating. Everything comes from G - d and He rules over everything and has His reasons but can it be our task to speculate ? Sometimes even accuse each other of whose fault it was ?

It goes without saying that each of us should view his own actions; especially now because soon we will be entering the Elul period. Even if G - d wants to give us a sign, I don't think that it is our duty to judge other people's behaviour, as everyone of us has enoug to do with looking at himself.