Out of Fear

B"H

Countless English – haredi Blogs write about it and I had the same experiences.

Many Haredim are only remaining haredi out of fear.

There are many reasons for remaining haredi even though, there are doubts if this really is the right lifestyle. Haredi society is very complex and you have to think very carefully if it is worth giving up your whole life. And what about the family, their Shidduchim, etc. ?

In most cases, people do not intend giving up a religious life but rather want to escape certain society rules and pressure. If you were born into a haredi society it does not necessarily mean that you really belong there. I met many people who do not, and either eventually decide to leave or just continue going together with the hope that everything will be all right. At least, sooner or later.

When I left a strict religious life style, I did not face any severe consequences. First of all, I was not born into a haredi society and secondly, I did not do any damage to the society itself. I am not going out, as other disappointed people do (just see FailedMessiah, etc.), and throw my garbage all over the world. Okay, if someone is disappointed so he has to deal with it but do not constantly accuse everybody else. Life goes on.

Of course, people who were born into certain societies, such as litvish, Satmar, Vishnitz, and other groups, cannot just leave. They need to consider future difficulties like: finding a job despite a limited education. Limited at least according to Western modern society, as no company really demands Talmud knowledge.

The worst ist always the feeling of one's own guilt. Did I do the right thing ?
When I left I always thought that other people stare at me and want to tell me "Hey, you are haredi, what are you doing here ? Go back".

What happens when someone comes to the conclusion that although he is part of a haredi group, he is unable to continue his life as such ? First of all, people push the thoughts away and just keep on going. With whom can you talk at all and who is able to understand those thoughts ? Yeshivot and parents might faint and see you as a troublemaker. Well, today there is the Internet and people write anonymously about their troubles. However, there are times when you need to talk in order not to explode.

Unfortunately until today, haredi society has not found any solutions or good counseling for the issue. It seems that the subject is too delicate and professional psychologists are missing. Haredi society lacks the understanding of its members leaving a strict society but not orthodoxy.

One thing for sure, remaining in the "Chatzer" out of fear is / cannot be a solution.