The newly Religious

B"H

I admit that there is a certain danger in choosing such a headline, as some people might think that it is a generalization. It is anything but meant as a generalization. My intention is to describe a certain kind of change in behaviour of some newly religious Jews.

Within the past years, I met many Jews from abroad or Israelis who became religious. So far, they led a completely secular life, and now, for different reasons, decided to become religious. Haredi or national religious. Actually most of them I met chose the haredi way. Many of them came from the States (New York, New Jersey, Detroit etc.), and their parents had sent them on the famous one - year - programms to different yeshivot in Jerusalem (Aish HaTorah or Ohr Sameach).

In Israel it is well known that some of those kids had problems (mostly drugs) at home and by sending them to Jerusalem, their parents mistakenly think that the trip would bring a solution.
However, there are many other secular Jews who get attracted by those programms and decide to stay for more than only a year.

Whoever wants to join haredi society has to know one thing: As a newcomer you will always have the reputation that you became religious later in your life. Haredi born Jews have a different status than the so - called Chozrei Be' Teshuva, the Jews who became religious. It does not matter if it is the Shidduchim subject, getting their kids accepted at certain schools or anything else, those Chozrei Be ' Teshuva have to take more things into consideration. And this applies to Israelis and people from abroad. It might be the same elsewhere but here I am especially talking about Israel.

I met many female and male teenagers and people in their thirties or fourties who changed their lives completely. However, young people becoming religious are suddenly so enthusiastic about telling outsiders their new experiences and their new accomplishments in Torah studies etc. They just love their new life which and there is nothing wrong about it.

The other side of the story is that sometimes they apparently do not notice that they go on others nerves. They come up to people and start telling them what to do, as they had just learned a new halacha. I am religious myself but when I met certain boys and girls, I just could not be around them anymore, although we had been friends before. I just feel sorry for their parents because as soon as they come home, probably the secular parents have too suffer from it.
My rabbi, Rabbi Mordechai Machlis, ones said that there is a danger that when a young men is coming from an Israeli yeshiva and going back to America that he might walk into his former community and tell the local rabbi what to do. "According to the Shulchan Aruch you have to do such and such…."
However, the rabbi might just tell him that this particular community is not going by the Shulchan Aruch but by the Aruch HaShulchan. So, one becoming religious has to be careful with other people and not place himself on the top.

The newly Israeli religious are a little more different, as, in many cases, they are older. Many of them even have a family. Becoming religious together with the whole family could cause great tensions within the family. Especially among the kids. One day, the parents are secular and the kids are going to a secular high school, and the next day, the parents are haredi and send their kids to Beit Yaakov or Talmud Torah. This does not work out, and in Jerusalem we have the problem that many of those kids run away.

The parents want to be accepted by other haredim which many times causes a certain "we have to be better than anyboy else - behaviour". They want to show that they are just as perfect as the haredi born Jews. If this happens, the newly religious are running into such a pressure that they leave religion after a while. Instead, people should take it slowly when they decide to become religious. The famous example is Rabbi Akiva who was fourty years old and had to learn everything from scratch.

My advice is that you should learn to accept that the born haredim might never really accept you but, nevertheless, lead your own life and do not concentrate on others all the time. Put all your energy into learning and keeping your family together. Another important thing is that you should not give up all your former friends from your secular life. And especially not criticize your parents. Of course, you cannot eat in a non - kosher home anymore but there are different ways to explain it nicely to other people.