Hollywood Romance is out of Place

B"H

On Rosh HaShana I participated in a religious program run by litvishe haredim. One of the rabbis performing the service explained the most important parts of the service before we got started. I forgot how he started the whole subject but he spoke about a certain topic in orthodox Judaism I totally disagree with.

The whole issue of Shidduchim and especially the haredi approach to love, if they call it by this name, is not my cup of tea. By the way, the word "love" is mostly replaced by the word "relationship". Anyway, the rabbi said that in Judaism we don't run after Hollywood romance but rather look for a partner in life. When we say that we are in love with someone it automatically seems to mean that this relationship won't last for too long. A few days, weeks or maybe a couple of years. Whereas the orthodox approach to finding a partner and raising a family is completely different. Only this would bring you a true happy family life.

There are definitely cases where this kind of opinion is totally right and I don't deny it. However, I think that in a true relationship should be also love involved. I am speaking about a relationship and not a business contract or business relationship, as it sometimes seems to be the case in the ultra – orthodox world.

Those ones of you who have ever been to a Shidduch meeting probably know what I am talking about. First you don't really know what to say and the common rules are that you basically talk about your future goals. Of course, the finance matter is another important issue.

Even if you meet a person a hundred times, how well do you really know the person ? Others might claim that there isn't such a big difference in the secular world. One can live with someone for many years and doesn’t know him or her at all. But just the idea of meeting someone and dealing with him as a business partner is terrible. And I am rather not mentioning the wedding night where both sides fulfill their contracts, so to speak.

Hollywood Romance or love, however you call it, is not always bad. Dreams, love and desires are very human and in many cases it is better having a loving relationship rather than only respecting each other. I can also respect my neighbours, my friends or strangers, but it doesn't mean I have to marry them.