The Queen of the Night

B"H

It was Erev Shabbat and time for the famous Shabbat meal at the house of Rabbi Mordechai Machlis in the Maalot Dafna neighbourhood. It is not uncommon that there is a huge line – up in front of his door and when the door opens, the Rabbi usually stands in the doorway to greet everyone who is entering.
Inside in the living room, people try to occupy a table as fast as they can and it takes at least half an hour until the crowd is seated. And another ten minutes until everybody is quiet. Then, finally, it is time for Kiddush.

The Kiddush in the Machlis house only consist of grape juice, as people sometimes like to celebrate too much, as the Rabbi likes to put it. A few years ago, a full tray of Kugel was thrown into the fan at the ceiling. An incident which caused the Machlises to replace the wine through grape juice.

It was so crowded and my friend and I didn't really have a chance in sitting with another friend and instead we sat down at the Rabbi's table. Next to us sat a couple and on the other side was a kind of freaky guy who immediately complained that he doesn’t want to sit with women at the same table. As he didn't look haredi at all we responded that he could sit somewhere else. Well, I have to emphasize that if he had looked haredi or made a serious religious statement, we would have reacted differently. However, the guy just made the impression that he wants to be important. A thought which was proven right later on that night.

As if this wasn't already enough. A few minutes later a French Christian sat right next to me and pulled out his New Testament. Nothing doesn't surprise me any more at the Machlis home and that's why the NT didn't make me fall off my chair. The Machlises are strictly orthodox but sometimes have too much patience.
But also this wasn't enough. Between the chicken soup and the Kugel, another obviously confused Christian woman got up and made a speech about her visions. Afterwards the Rabbi made a comment and the woman became very quiet. Shabbat Shalom.

My friend and I left the Machlis home a little earlier in order to walk to the Tish of Toldot Aharon. Also there, people have difficulties finding a good seat. Rebbe David Kahn always starts his Tish at 11.30 pm and when we arrived before that time, we still found plenty of empty seats in the women's section.
This time we chose a different section where we could sit because last time, we were sitting right in the middle of Toldot Aharon women who were extremely nice but somehow we were a kind of emotionally overwhelmed. Now we chose a place a little further away, right in the middle of very young Toldot Aharon women.

It was anything but quiet in the women's section. The group members were chatting about their kids and the latest recipies. Maybe I should ask them for a good recipe and put it into this blog afterwards.

As I have a good knowledge of understanding Yiddish, I can understand their conversations. The group members actually don't expect outsiders to understand Yiddish and I am not sure if I should tell them in advance. Maybe it is not fair but let's say I had a normal conversation with them in Hebrew, I would tell them. I wouldn't keep it as a secret and so far, there was just no opportunity to tell them. However, knowing Yiddish when you go to a chassidishe Tish is definitely an advantage. This way, I found out why many of the women were so excited about a certain girl.

The girl wore a black – white and grey costume and looked extremely happy. She couldn't have been older than 18 years and had just got married a few days before. Everyone came up to her to say "MAZAL TOV". It was nice seeing such a happy newly married girl, as we have also seen the opposite. At different Tishes we saw depressed looking young women. Of course, we don't know the reasons and can only speculate.

Going to Shidduchim and then getting married can sometimes end in a disaster. Actually every marriage (religious or not) could end in divorce, as you never know what you get. It doesn't matter if you know each other before for a long time or just a few weeks.
In chassidic circles it is even more complicated. Extreme group members such as Toldot Aharon only have their Shidduch meetings in a living room in the house of one of the parents. A guy and a girl who had never really spoken to the opposite sex are suddenly confronted with a rather strange situation. How can they decide who is the right Shidduch if they don't really know anything about relationships ? This must be very hard. And especially for the women from Toldot Aharon, as they still keep the Chassidic – Hungarian custom of shaving off their hair one or two days after the wedding.

One might claim that this just doesn’t come as a surprise and while growing up, they know exactly what will happen to them after they got married. But I still imagine that it must be very hard and can be a shock.

Nevertheless, the young woman wearing that costume was anything but depressed. She was so enthusiastic or in other words, she was the queen of the night. Everybody spoke and cared about her. She was the center of attention.

What really surprised me was how all those still unmarried women went up to her and asked her about how it is to be married and if the bald head doesn't itch under her hair cover (Yasameh). I couldn't believe that they were asking this and had expected more privacy. However, I was wrong and the young women talked about the subject very openly. At least among each other. The young bride was ready to answer all kinds of questions and the other girls listened curiously.

One thing was very obvious to us: There was no sign of the famous feminism in our world in the Toldot Aharon synagogue that night. The young girls looked anxiously forward to get married and having children. It was a great atmosphere and we were flabbergasted by the whole situation. Young girls who don't think about having a career but only about family.

Of course, not everybody is as lucky and as happy as the young bride from Friday night. I would like to find out what happens to those couples who don’t get along. As I am very interested in haredi society and social life, last Friday night I learned a lot. Sociologist always do research about why haredi and especially chassidic women don't leave their societies. Even if they are unhappy they just stay where they are.

Last Friday night we got an idea why. There are actually many happy people in Chassidic society and they simply don't feel like revolting.

Again a MAZAL TOV to the young bride from the Toldot Aharon Tish last Friday night !!!