Creeping Around

B"H

Walking around in the haredi world as an outsider is anything but easy.

It may be easier building up connections to the litvishe world. But also there it very much depends on individual haredi backgrounds. A Brisker probably wouldn't be in such close contact to someone from the outside world.

Building up connections to the chassidic world is even more complicated. At this point, I am leaving out Breslov and Chabad because it is different with these two groups.

What really fascinated me was what the writer Daniel Meijers mentions in his book "Ascetic Hasidim in Jerusalem" (1992).

The author describes a very significant point and I thought about it for many hours. Actually I still haven't been able to find an explanation, and also Daniel Meijers leaves out a solution.

When I tell people about the chassidic world and when I write about Tishes, Rebbes, whatever, there is a certain group of people who gets really fascinated by it. That's fine and there is nothing wrong with it.

However, there are people who cannot forget the stories and want to experience the same. I cannot explain it, as I said before, but some people really seem to think that they go to a chassidic Tish and get accepted by the group members. You speak to the members for two minutes, maybe ask something, and all this turns you automatically into a kind of an accepted person.

Others even go a little further; they come and never seem to leave anymore. They just stick to the group but don't want to join. It is only a matter of fascination. Fascinated seeing a different world and being part of it.

What bothers me is that the majority of those people are neither interested in the chassidic concept of the group nor know anything about Chassidut at all. All they see is a fascination; different clothes, different lifestyle.

Maybe I should study sociology or psychology in order to understand this kind of visitors. Attraction and fascination has nothing to do with chassidic reality.

Whatever you do and whenever you get in touch with the chassidic world, even at a Tish, never forget, that you are an outsider and you are being treated as such. When Chassidim talk to you for a few minutes, it doesn't mean you are being accepted. In fact, they don't. This reality one should never forget.

In your (the outside) world, you can start showing off that you have been to this group and that group; but to the chassidic groups themselves you are nothing more or less than a visitor. If you think otherwise, you live in a dream world.

This Monday, I called an acquaintance from Satmar. We spoke on the phone for quite a while, as we haven't seen each other for a few years. The first thing I had to do was putting myself back into her memory, as, at first, she didn't really remember me. However, after a few sentences she did. Immediately she invited me for Shabbat. Surprisingly for all the three meals.

Some years ago, she used to have many guests for Shabbat. When I first met her, I was wondering why she even accepted guests from the outside world. She and her family live in the middle of Mea Shearim and the locals usually don't invite outsiders into their homes. She once told me that her neighbours criticize her for accepting almost anybody.

When I spoke to her on Monday, I asked her if she still does have many guests. She denied and said that she accepts frum seminary girls only. I realized that she sounded quite disappointed when she told me. Many people just showed up, were not even halachically Jewish or just wanted to show off that they had been to Mea Shearim.

For my acquaintance however, Shabbat hospitality is a Mitzwah and she prefers talking to Jews being familiar with a religious environment.

She told me the time for Kiddush but I should be at her house earlier, as she wants to talk to me.

So, this Shabbat, and hopefully further times, I will spend with Satmar.

As an outsider.