Who are you ?

B"H

Israel is a tiny country and its citizens have the constant desire to belong to a certain group in society. Israelis love to judge you according to your place in society. This doesn't always depend on money but on religious or secular, if religious, how much ? Doss (haredi) or more normal ? Where do you live ? Who do you vote for ? Are you right - wing or the opposite ?

The worst for me was always looking for an apartment with a flatmate. Flats are expensive and many times, people are forced to share. When I studied at a national religious institution, I dressed national religious and lived in the national religious neighbourhood of Kiryat Moshe. I had an outer identification.
I looked like them and when I looked for people to share an apartment with, they knew who I am, as soon as they opened the door. No one asked me "Do you keep kosher or are you religious ?" Looking like them was already like a walking ID - card.

Things changed when I still lived in the same neighbourhood but didn't dress too religious anymore. I definitely was but walked around in Jeans and T - Shirt. To make things very clear, although I walk around this way, I do neither wear any sleeveless shirts nor tight jeans. Just normal and modest.

However, you should have seen the looks when people opened their doors. They looked at my clothes and asked if I think that I am really in the right place.

Then it was the other way around. Me and my flatmate were looking for a third person. We hung up notes everywhere: Searching a religious flatmate, koscher kitchen, $ 225 rent.

My flatmate was the same as me; we kept Mitzwot but walked around in pants. People started making appointments with us in order to see the apartment. Usually they didn't ask too many questions on the phone but as soon as they walked in, they had a list.

Some haredi women showed up with their daughters. Mum wanted to check out where the daughter is going to move.
Actually the daughters where quite excited to see us but Mum wasn't. We never succeeded in convincing any haredi mother that we are religious and don't mess around in the apartment.

Then a girl from Mea Shearim showed up. At least she claimed to be from there. She had just escaped and was looking for a national religious change. Whatever that means.
My flatmate and I wanted anything but not a Mea Shearim runaway and all the problems connected with it. No Modesty Police (Mishmeret HaZniut) banging on our door. Running away means depression for the girl and we didn't feel like listening to all the personal baggage. She was out of the picture anyway, as she announced that she doesn’t agree to secular novels in the apartment.

What did we do ?
Of course, we ended up with another national religious girl. And this worked out perfectly. She didn't wear pants but could accept different more open directions. When I looked for an apartment some time after that incident, I ran into a great girl's group living in Katamon. As soon as I walked in, I was an outsider due to the pants.
The girls, however, reacted great and I am still in touch with two of them. They wore skirts and came from haredi backgrounds. One was from a Satmar family but more open, as she stressed.

They accepted me right away because I was the only one who had ever heard about the different groups they came from. In the end, I chose a different offer but the example with the haredi girls shows that it doesn't always have to be stereotype.