The Urge to Communicate

B"H

So far, I have only noticed it in rather extreme chassidic groups; the women's urge to communicate with the outside world. The best examples I can give are the Toldot Aharon as well as the Toldot Avraham Yitzchak.

Toldot Aharon / Avraham Yitzchak Chassidim



When I am visiting the Tishes of other chassidic groups such as Kretchnif, Belz or Dushinsky, I have never felt any particular desire of the chassidic women getting in touch with the outside world. The Dushinsky women appear to be rather reserved and Belz as well as Kretchnif probably have enough opportunities talking to other people who are not necessarily chassidic. The Gerer Chassidim (male and female) give me the same impression.

The Chassidiot (chassidic women) of Toldot Aharon and Avraham Yitzchak however, are bound in a very closed society. Many people, including myself, consider the Avraham Yitzchak Rebbe, Rabbi Shmuel Yaakov Kahn, as more open and his Chassidim do not necessarily have to sign the Takanot (internal group laws). When the Avraham Yitzchak split off from Toldot Aharon in 1996, Rebbe Shmuel Yaakov took over the Takanot, and in the meantime added many more as well as customs from Chassidut Vishnitz where he used to study. However, his society is a little more open. Personally I have seen married women who haven' t really shaved off their hair. Once a married woman stood in front of a light and I could see relatively long hair hanging out of her head cover. I was only able to notice it because she stood near a light.

The Avraham Yitzchak Rebbe, Rabbi Shmuel Yaakov Kahn, with Rabbi Me'ir Brandsdorfer (who is also a member of the Toldot Avraham Yitzchak) to the left.



The strictes group is Toldot Aharon where members have a firm date signing the Takanot anew. Almost every year, Rebbe David Kahn, is adding something new and his members must sign the "constitution". According to Daniel Meijers' s book "Ascetic Hasidism in Jerusalem" (1992), Toldot Aharon put some kind of a force upon their members if it is obvious that they do not follow the Takanot as it should be. Such members receive special warnings and are told to improve their behaviour. Daniel Meijers also makes another important point by saying that "such a strict society, continually confronted with the totally different lifestyle of social groups in its proximity, needs strong social control in order to ensure that everybody does indeed conform to the prescribed way of life".

In Mea Shearim



Already countless times I have been asking myself why a "free" human being does accept such strict laws upon himself. By saying "FREE" I don't mean that someone shouldn't follow G - d or the Torah because he is sooo free. But isn't a religious life according to the regular Torah laws enough ?
Of course, Chassidim are called Chassidim because they do more than the Halacha expects. They do more than required. However, how much can a Jew really restrict or limit his lifestyle ?

Everything is a matter of being born into such a society or not. When you are being born Toldot Aharon, you obviously don't question too much. You are also not being taught how to question something and especially not your own chassidic group. The Rebbe is right. That's it.

Toldot Aharon women with their traditional head cover



Are the strict Takanot, the Rebbe and the society itself able to prevent anything ? And is this "anything" always negative and a temptation getting drawn away from the group ?

Even the Toldot Aharon members, no matter if male or female, are still human beings with a free will. A human being has senses and desires. The Maharal comments on Pirkei Avot that none of us is alone in this world and that we have to deal with other human beings. Kabbalistic literature goes even a step further; Jews have to do different Tikunim (soul rectifications) in life and many of them can only be done by communicating with other people. And not necessarily from your own group, your friends or family. Who knows what and who your personal Tikun is ?

Anyway I don't think that the Toldot Aharon women think about the Maharal or Tikunim when they get the urge to communicate with the outside world. Not all of the women but many are eager to answer questions from Tish visitors. Asking group members is much better, as they usually have the answers. You have a question, no matter what, just ask a member sitting next to you. Most questions are about the Rebbe, who is sitting next to the Rebbe, does he have a family or the clothing style of the group. It happened to me many times that I asked a simple question and suddenly found myself in a whole discussion. But not only me but I noticed many discussions going on. The Toldot Aharon and the Avraham Yitzchak women are eager to talk. They do listen to other opinions but never give up their own group opinion. It seems that they are curious about what is going on somewhere else (e.g. national religious, secular or Chabad) but this doesn't mean they would loose their own path.

Some claim that younger women talk more than the elderly. This I cannot confirm, as I have had great discussions with elderly group members as well. Sometimes I have the feeling that you don't really need all the Takanot because many group members stick to the rules anyway. They don't think about going astray. One reason might also be society itself and the fear of shame or loosing one's goal in life. Every society has its dropouts; no matter how strict the rules are. The Toldot Aharon and Avraham Yitzchak women I have spoken to so far made it very clear that they don't think about giving up anything let alone leaving the group.

Nevertheless, all the Takanot cannot stop human curiosity and no one is able to prevent people from being curious. Who knows ? Such things many times cause just the opposite. Instead of being jealous of the "free" life of outsiders, the chassidic group members thus realize how great their own life and the group is.