Questions & No Answers

B"H

Just like everyone else, I am also having plenty of questions regarding religion. And many times I have been, and I still am, totally unable to find any answers which would satisfy me. However, I keep on searching, as no one should ever give up hope.

There is one particular concept in Judaism which is bothering me a lot. Not that I am constantly thinking about it but when it comes to the point, I do start thinking. Actually there are two concepts bothering me and I will start explaining the second one first. Hopefully I am succeeding in connecting the two subjects. My thoughts do not mean in any way that I don't believe in those concepts or that I have any doubts. On the contrary, because I do believe in them I am having my own thought.

Number one bothering me: Certain statements concerning Meshiach in Talmud Sanhedrin and Halachot. Many commentators, Kabbalists and Philosophers provide us with further explanations and details. According to most statements, we will all be on a higher soul level after the arrival of Meshiach. We won't do anything wrong anymore, hence no more sinning. The only thing we are going to do is fulfilling the will of G – d.

So, what bothers me about that ?

Maybe "bothering" is the wrong formulation but for me personally, it it extremely hard to imagine not having any more Free Will. I admit that life is much easier and convenient when there won't be any more evil in the world and therefore, we don't constantly need to distinguish between good and evil. There will be only good and this is it. There won't be any more negative character traits after the arrival of Meshiach. In the end, everything will be good and this is the ideal goal and purpose.

Okay, so everything is only good. But what about my Free Will ? Am I suddenly a Zombie due to the fact that I am only doing G – d's will and nothing else ?

Do I sound egoistic by only looking at my Free Will ?
Maybe but according to my understanding, G – d created us with a Free Will in the first place and why does He suddenly need us only to act as He wants ?

On the other hand, aren't we obligated to do everything He wants from us ? Wasn't it Him who created us and the whole world ? And isn't it us depending upon Him because we couldn't exist without Him ?

But why did G – d provided us with a Free Will in the first place ? Why did we first have the ability to distinguish between good and evil ?

According to Kabbalah the whole purpose of Free Will is to use it for a Tikun Olam (complete soul rectification). By keeping Torah Mitzwot we are making the world a better place and introducing higher moral and religious standards which eventually lead us to the arrival of Meshiach. But does the "final output" Meshiach at the same time means that we are going to loose our Free Will and that we are transforming into a puppet – on - a – string ?

No Rabbi, Philosopher, Talmid Chacham or Kabbalist is able to define the Jewish concept of Free Will. What does Free Will mean and how far does it go ? Where is its beginning and its end ?

The Talmud teaches us that G – d knows everything. He knows the future, the present and the past. He knows our thoughts and many say that He knows exactly what kind of decisions we are going to make. How far does G – d influences our Free Will without us even realizing it ?

And here we come to the second point bothering me.
Talmidim Chachamim including the Rambam (Maimonides) argue about the question how much Free Will humans really possess. Some say that we don't have any Free Will at all and that what we think is our Free Will turns out to be just an illusion. G – d decides everything and therefore He also determines my thoughts and my actions.

Let's just briefly assume that G – d determines everything and we don't have a Free Will.

Why then do we sin ? If He determines our actions, shouldn't we then be perfect and on an amazing high religious soul level ? Why do we still sin ?

And if He determines everything, why are we held responsible for our actions ? Every criminal could just claim that it wasn't him doing anything wrong but G – d made him do so. And why should we be punished for our negative actions if G – d made us do so ?
And what about me, the small tiny individual ? What am I ? Am I simply a guinea pig or puppet and only G – d is pulling the strings ?

For us humans it turns out to be much more positive when we have the feeling of total freedom. If is only up to us making a distinction and decision between good and bad deeds. Between leading a life according to the Torah or not. If not, would I at all be a human being and not only a puppet ?

The perfect chassidic answer to this is that everyone has to have faith in a G – d who, on the other hand, does everything for the good. Consequently, we don't have any right questioning His reasons / actions because our limited human intellect couldn't grasp His thoughts anyway. And this is exactly the answer Rabbis giving me to my questions. And if not this kind of answer then that we simply don't know. How should we know, as G – d has never informed us.

As I mentioned at the beginning, I don't have any doubts about the Meshiach and Free Will – concept. However, it still gives me a very strange feeling to know that one day (in case I will see the Meshiach), I will be on a level where I am only doing G – d's will. In a way it seems frightening. A fear of loosing freedom and the individual personality.

Some might claim that exactly this is our main purpose of creation and being. Nevertheless, I am still having problems to know that I might live without a Free Will and not asking myself if I am doing the right or the wrong thing. No wonder that the Hollywood movie "The Matrix" was so extremely popular among orthodox Jews. The more Torah we study, the more we are interested in receiving answers to all our questions. Not necessarily about the purpose of our whole being, as the Rambam explains in his book "Moreh Nevuchim – The Guide for the Perplexed (chapter 13)", but rather the question of how far G – d really influences our lives.

The final conclusion is that there is no answer but only speculations and opinions. And the only thing we can do is keep on guessing because only G – d can definitely answer all our questions. A G – d who is totally unknown to us and we cannot even grasp.


Links:

The Jewish Meshiach Concept - Part 1

The Jewish Meshiach Concept - Part 2