Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Gitty's World

B"H

The New Yorker chassidic and even non – chassidic world seems to be very busy with one subject these days. I read about the story in different blogs and websites and people are so excited. First I thought that I shouldn't really refer to it. Lot's of gossip and everyone has been writing about it anyway. But then, two days ago, I went to the Yahrzeit of Rabbi Mordechai Machlise's mother, Sarah Machlis, and witnessed a totally unnecessary argument among some of the guests. Two Brits, one was Jewish and the other wasn't, started gossiping about the haredi world. All of them (the Haredim) are parasites. No one works but everyone accepts the child's allowance and further money from the government. All Haredim are Neturei Karta but use the State of Israel for their own purposes.

Me and an acquaintance of mine who works as a haredi journalist for the Israeli radio channel "Kol Israel" tried to defend the Haredim. People who are not familiar with precise details about issues such as Neturei Karta, Haredim, Edah HaCharedit, etc. shouldn't be gossiping and spreading rumours. And this is what it is: rumours without any background information. People know absolutely nothing but think they have something to say.

Unfortunately, many Jews behave this way. I admit that there is lots of anger and frustration around. The Israeli governmental system allows Haredim to go to Yeshiva instead of joining the army or looking for a job. However, this also has been changing within the past few years. But people starting to talk about the Edah or Neturei Karta should at least be familiar with the subject. And this is why I now do refer to the latest New Yorker case.

Jews and Gentiles read the particular article in the "New York Magazine" and it is a pity that no real professional background explanations were given.


But let's have a look at the story first:


Almost three weeks ago, the "New York Magazine" published an article about a 23 – year – old woman who left the Satmar community in Kiryat Yoel. And since, Chassidim cannot stop talking about it and reading all the gossip. I know many Chassidim who do that and have a great laugh. At least, as long as it doesn't concern their own group. But Satmar; who doesn't want to hear more gossip about Satmar ? That's always interesting. The chassidic world is full of gossip and Satmar is one their favourite subjects.

Gitty Grunwald escaped from Satmar and is using the media in order to get her daughter back. Once, her mother used to be a hippie from a secular home. She came to Kiryat Yoel (Satmar town near New York) and found shelter. Then she became religious including a member in Satmar. Her daughter Sterna Gittel (Gitty) Grunwald grew up in the known extreme way. No TV, no contact with the outside world and as a young teenager she was married off to a Satmarer Chassid.
This is life in Kiryat Yoel and everywhere else in the haredi world. Nothing to be excited about because this is the way society works.

To make it short, Gitty didn't get along with her husband. Not in their bedroom and not anywhere else. In the meantime, Gitty also had discovered her own freedom and started to follow her own ways of life. The couple got divorced and Gitty left Kiryat Yoel together with her daughter Esther Miriam. A little later, her Ex snatched Esther Miriam from her and brought her back to Kiryat Yoel. Now Gitty went to the press and faces a court case for custody. She wants her 4 – year – old daughter back and raise her in a "normal" way and not like the "Taliban" (her own words) in Kiryat Yoel. A non – Jewish court is going to make the verdict.
A non – Jewish court ? No Beit Din ?
Nothing unusual for Satmar, as they have faced such a kind of court before when the two present Rebbes were fighting about leadership.

Since the article was published, countless blogs and other sites wrote about Gitty. Mostly in favour of her and in order to support her. Friends of hers even introduced a "Gitty – Site" where people can make donations. New York is expensive, her new life is expensive and so is the lawyer.

So far, I have lots of sympathy for Gitty and can understand her. But what the "New York Magazine" also publishes is a slideshow with the latest Gitty pictures. There, everyone can see her in different positions; even dressed in a bikini. Other Chassidim love this. Seeing a Satmarer Chassidiah in a bikini. What a laugh.

Gitty here, Gitty there, Gitty visiting her daughter, Gitty in Kiryat Yoel, Gitty with her mother, Gitty superstar.
New York has a new story and everyone is excited and is waiting for continuation.

Gitty is allowed to visit her daughter at Kiryat Yoel but only under Satmar supervision. Otherwise, so Satmar, she could be a bad influence to Esther Miriam and even stuff her with non – kosher food. Recently, the authorities discovered that Gitty used drugs. Her Ex must have been jumping in the air out of happiness. Wow, nothing better could have happened to him. His Ex - wife taking drugs but demanding custody. Satmar yes or no, no court in this world would give custody to a mother using drugs. That's it. Finished.

Gitty has been receiving plenty of comments from her readership all advising her to stop all the flaky behaviour and get her life in order. She needs a social worker or some modern – orthodox rabbi helping her in the outside world of Kiryat Yoel. It is truly not Gitty's fault being totally uneducated. Satmar has other plans for women and teaches them how to be a good housewife and mother. But, on the other hand, many people who visited Kiryat Yoel told me afterwards that almost every household has a computer at home. And the Satmar girls schools have been teaching computer classes for quite a while.

Now Gitty has to find her new paths. Organize her life, get a high school degree, a profession, responsibility. The problem within haredi society is what they teach their kids at school:
The secular world only consists of "sex and drugs (and "rock'n roll"). The secular would hang around the whole day and have one orgy after the other accompanied by heroine. An empty world without goals and spirituality.

The moment members of the chassidic world decide to leave they think that from now on they need to use drugs and have wild sex. This is what they learned at school about the outside world. And only this way, the secular are going to accept them in their society. This is typical haredi thought and I have been confronted with it a few times already. Once a former Chassid used our apartment for changing his clothes and later on, cutting off his peyos (side curls). The my flatmate (a cop) found injections and dumped the white power down the toilet.

When I left haredi society, my new start in life was much easier, as I knew the outside world. Other growing up that way don't even have a clue about normal schools let alone a university. How do you teach them to talk to the opposite sex when they are not married ? They have to be taught the smallest things, even to use a deodorant.

But coming back to Gitty Grunwald:
At the moment, she still seems to be without any orientation and real goal in life. She, literally speaking, has to learn life and how to manage it. In my opinion, only religious people should counsel her. A rabbi who is familiar with the chassidic world and its society. Only the Orthodox are able to understand what Gitty is going through. I know this from my own experience. What does it help going to a secular or non – Jewish psychiatrist who doesn't have a clue what you are talking about ? The result will be that most of the time you will be explaining them the haredi world. Too much time will be wasted with explanations. But when you are in a position like Gitty, you are longing for help right away. You want to talk now and need a person who knows what you say.

People gave Gitty lots of hope and best wishes for the future. Not only secular but also many Haredim. However, she has to take some action quickly because otherwise she will not win the court case. The more she hesitates, the more the judge is going to favour her Ex with a stable home and personality.

I wish Gitty all the best and hopefully she has friends who really help her.

There is so much to talk about the subject and I only mentioned a few important points. Nevertheless, it is very important not to spread any stereotype opinions around. People should neither judge Gitty nor Satmar. Each of them has its or her reasons and we have to look at both sides.

9 comments:

  1. B´´H
    Shalom Miriam

    all the Haredim doesnt work?
    how they pay the bills?

    also i know that in reality money came from HaShem, so do u have any spiritual or Kabbalistic explanation for not to work, if this is the case?

    also i want to know, if is possible,if u was a member of a Haredim world, why u left the Haredim world ? how Haredim people get married? they work or not?

    ReplyDelete
  2. B"H

    Hello Carlos,

    It depends on the Haredim. Many of them work; especially outside Israel. However, the Israeli government under Prime Minister David Ben Gurion once made an agreement that Yeshiva students don't have to work but get governmental support. Within the years, the Yeshiva population grew immensely and now it is a problem, as Israel has no money to support everyone.

    In Israe, many Haredim work an others don't. But extreme groups such as Toldot Aharon or others don't take money from the government because they are against the State of Israel. So, they live off donations from the States.

    Somehow everyone manages to pay the bills.:-))))

    A kabbalistic explanation for G - d's support ? Well, there is a "normal" explanation.

    Everything comes fromG - d's and he helps and provides foryou but you have to do something. You have to take action and cannot just sit around, do nothing and wait for G - d's help.

    Regarding my past, you read more here:

    http://shearim.blogspot.com/2008/02/my-unknown-future.html

    But I will write more about this supject in the course of the day !!! Also about your other question I will write more in an article.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've read Gitty's articles including her blog, and you have struck a point. No matter what the situation was that she was running from, she is now facing a civil court with a judge who will make decisions based on the facts. The judge is not so concerned about Kosher and non-Kosher but he/she will be concerned that Gitty has no means of support, no skills and from all appearances is not doing anything to fix the situation. As for drugs, the judge will weigh that against the husband who apparently has a stable home, job and I think it said he remarried (not sure on that one). Gitty needs help--if her "support group" really want to help her they better start thinking about what the courts will be looking for and help her start a new lifestyle that can show the judge she deserves to have her precious little girl. I will be praying for them both.

    ReplyDelete
  4. BS'D

    Miriam,

    Thank you for your interesting blog.

    Could you provide some information/coverage on Erlau based in Katamon.
    (e.g. which hasidic houses they are close to, do they use yiddish predominantly,
    where are they based apart from katamon?)

    I am aware they follow Nusach Ashkenaz, following Rav.Y. Sofer's family.

    Whilst they come from Hungary they are (nonetheless?) represented on Aguda.

    Kol tuv,
    R. N.

    ReplyDelete
  5. B"H

    Hi Reuven,

    I know a family from the quite well. He, the family father, it the so - called "Finance Minister" of the group.:-)

    They still have a Rebbe who is a descendant of the Chatam Sofer, and they are not only located in Katamon but also in New York.

    Yes, they do vote for the Agudah and even asked me to vote for Gimmel (the Agudah on the election list) as well.:-)

    I always thought about writing about them but always forgot calling them up. Probably I should .....

    By the way, the boys only study in Yiddish at school and the girls go to Beit Yaakov and study in Hebrew. The girl in the family I know doesn't even know Yiddish. Only the brothers and the father.

    ReplyDelete
  6. The article that you reference appeared in New York Magazine, not the New York Times. These are two entirely separate and independent publications and it is errors like this that make frum people appear ignorant and uneducated. You really should not be blogging if you can't get basic facts straight.

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  7. B"H

    The Israeli Press referred to the "New York Times". And excuse us very much that in Israel we don't know that the "New York Times" or Magazine are two different entities.

    And who says the religious are uneducated ?

    And even if, don't you have enough self - esteem proving the opposite ?

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  8. i find it too strange that a such young lady who was born and raised in chasidish world, would rebel that much as a young age, i mean she would rebel against chasidish life i understand, but she absolutely left all religious lifestyle... and from what i've seen and read in newspapers she seems to enjoy nightlife, i read that her ex husband wanted her to have a drug test or something like that, if she does use drugs, it's pretty strange (not to mention how bad it is !). What happened to her that she doesnt remain orthodox or modern orthodox or i don't know... i would like to understand, is it a teenage crisis or she really understand the consequences ?
    and i think the daughter is going to be very very destabilized by the two extreme world

    ReplyDelete
  9. B"H

    You know, when you run away, you are so fed up that, first, you don't keep a religious lifestyle. This happened to me as well. I ran away and for the first three months, I was totally secualr. Ate anything, did anything but went to the Synagogue on Shabbat.:-)

    It is as if you want to get rid of something and just escape. In the end, you realize that this doesn't really work and this was the moment when I came back to religion. But first you do whatever you can because of the feeling that you must catch up. That you missed out something. At least, the was my personal case.

    ReplyDelete