The Worst Struggle

B"H

Let's assume you are a little "off - the - derech" (a little away from your former religious life) but, so far, you have been haredi or really frum; in society, Yeshivah, seminary and anything of that kind. You are a little "off - the - derech" but, more or less, quite happy with your life. I assume the thing bothering you most is the question of how religious should you be. "I am off - the - derech" but not "too - far - off".

Most people leaving the religious life for a while or not keeping everything so intensely anymore have to find a way for the future. How far is religion going to influence my future life and is it going to influence it at all ? If yes, which Mitzwot should I keep and what is really important to me ? Is it more important to me that I am happy and religious or is it more important that I am religious but not always happy ?

Many times being happy and religious means for someone a little "off - the - derech" to make compromises. Not to violate Halachot intentionally but let's say, to take it a little easier. Being more tolerant and open with oneself and not depressed and moody. Taking everything easier causes you in most cases to look at religion with new delight and gives you more energy doing more. I am not saying that one should abandon everything in order to find new energy. But being more honest and tolerable with oneself does cause new energy instead of hating oneself for not or hardly succeeding religiously.

The worst struggle with being "off - the - derech" is not always with rabbis or the surrounding; the worst struggle always takes place in oneself. Guilt feelings and being unsure about what is going to happen in the future. How religious do I want to be and how religious should I be ? Didn't I study so much in Yeshivot or seminaries ? Didn't they tell us there that the more I know about Halachot etc., the more I have to keep because otherwise we are getting punished. Once I know, I have to keep it or G - d will punish me more than an Am HaAretz who doesn't have a clue.

So, should I be "off - the - derech" but still "on - the - derech" or "on - the - derech - to be - on - the - derech" ?

I think that the most important thing for either way is to work out a certain balance. Means, don't give up your religious life entirely but still keep in touch with Haredim (or national religious, if you are one of them). Personally it helps me a lot being with Haredim and talking to them. Of course, you should prefer those who are more open minded and try to help you dealing with the situation. The best advice I ever got was from the Haredim themselves. People who have never been secular or who don't have a clue about what it means to be "off - the - derech". It is a strange thing but especially their advice was always very helpful for me.

The other side of the balance it that you sometimes keep a distance and see something else. Just go out and forget about society for a few hours. Enjoy nature, go to the cinema and walk around downtown. Many times, we are too self - oriented and don't see anything else in the world anymore. If you learn how to balance the distance and sometimes even two different worlds, you might come a little more "onto - the - derech". And this time without your inner pressure and constantly longing for the famous 100% perfection, but happier with yourself and G - d.