Dancing around the TV

B"H

It is impossible to count all the people I have met since I became religious. When I started learning in a Yeshiva, I came in touch with so many people; friends took me to Shabbatot or we went to further Shiurim somewhere else. Suddenly I got to know many national religious and haredim including university professors. I learned how to speak to different people, how to behave. Sometimes it really turned out to be a cultural shock for someone like me not used to this kind of environment. However, I was surprised about myself how quickly I got adjusted and I definitely don't want to miss all the experiences.

The story I want to tell here has nothing to do with Chassidim but rather takes places in the national religious and litvishe world. The story might sound unimportant and quite common but this experience has been one of the most important in my life so far.

About ten years ago, I was invited to visit a certain acquaintance of mine in the national religious neighbourhood of Kiryat Moshe. I was in the middle of a serious religious crises and was about to go back to Germany for a while. To get things cleared out, so to speak.

When I arrived at the house of my acquaintance, let's call her B., I found out that her mother was visiting her as well. The children loved their grandmother so much that they didn't even go to school in order to play with her. The grandmother was only there for a few hours visit and she was playing enthusiastically with her grandchildren. They put a music video into the video machine and listened to children's songs. Suddenly granny and and the kids started dancing around the TV set. It was very funny to watch the whole scene.

Shortly after, the grandmother and me started a very intense discussion. Her daughter had told her that I speak German and it turned out that B.'s mother was actually born in Germany. Before the beginning of the Second World War, B.'s mother had left Germany as a young child together with her parents. They went to Palestine where they went to live in a religious Kibbutz. There, B.'s mother also met her later husband, a very strict religious man.

"I was so young", told me the grandmother. I didn't know anything about the world and hardly anything about the Jewish religion." She got married and had to follow the rules of her religious husband. She never openly complained and bore a few children. Her children turned out to be religious as well and even became haredi. One of her sons is a famous Jerusalem Posek.

"The first thing that I did when my husband died was buying myself a TV", she said. She started enjoying her life anew and was glad to get rid of the pressure. Of course, she still is religious but nothing is done by force anymore. Her children never accused their mother of having a more modern lifestyle now, and just accepted her as she was.

When I told her about my crises, she encouraged me to leave and look for different opportunities. At least to get things sorted out and a clear mind. This, however, doesn’t mean that I would totally leave religion. Instead I should learn how to deal with it and not jumping onto fanatic ideas or feeling guilty all the time.

"Your are still young and don't do the same mistakes as I did", B.'s mother told me. I will never forget her face when she said this to me. I could read all the disappointment of those years in her eyes. I didn't know whether I should feel sorry for her or not. Although she had a hard life, she got great children and grandchildren.

I wonder if she is still alive and might go over to visit B. and ask. I haven't been there for too long.