The Dream of Freedom

B"H

At the moment I am writing on a longer article for my German chassidic blog. The topic is: Chassidut Satmar.
And the more I learn about Satmar or other groups, I am asking myself why the close relatives of a chassidic Rebbe agree to marry someone from a different chassidic group. Let's take the Toldot Aharon, for instance.

The Toldot Aharon Rebbe David Kahn likes to marry off all his relatives to Shidduchim from other chassidic groups. Just look at his daughter last year who got married to the son of the Spinka Rebbe or his grandson who, a few months ago, married the granddaughter of Rabbi Moshe Halberstam (an Edah HaCharedit member before he passed away)

But not every Rebbe is like that. As mentioned before, the Gerer Rebbe has the custom to marry off his relatives within Chassidut Gur. On the other hand, there are certain rumours that many chassidic girls refuse to marry davka a Gerer Chassid. True or not, I don't intend going into the details. However, Gur has certain strange customs and it is probably much better when they marry among each other.

In Judaism, a woman getting married is always following the customs of her husband. If the husband is sephardi, then she automatically follows his customs. As an ashkenazi wife this isn't too bad sometimes, as in most cases, you are then allowed to eat rice during Pessach. Vice versa it is the same case. A sephardi woman married to an aschkenazi guy has to get adjusted to his customs.

One thing I know: I would never marry someone sephardi, as I am too stuck in my ashkenazi mentality. And a sephardi guy would never be accepted in the ashkenazi chassidic society. "Yes, there are Sepharadim in chassidic communities", you might claim. There are but look how accepted they are. Maybe I should rather say how "unaccepted" they are.

It is not a matter of loosing status, it is a matter of the difference in each others mentality.

If I ever decide to behave in a more proper way, should I marry someone chassidic ? And into which group ? And should it be a group at all ? I know that I would only get someone like me anyway but this might make it much easier. Well, the easiest freakiest way would be the neo - chassidic Carlebach movement. Nevertheless, as soon as I see Carlebachers, I escape as fast as I can.

Let's look at a strict chassidic group such as Satmar. If you join at an early age, everything seems to be easier anyway. When you are young, you can accept severe changes in your life much easier. The Satmarer state in their Takanot (internal laws) that the Rebbe has the highest power and decides everything. Even about your personal life. Would I be willing to accept this if I marry someone Satmar or close to Satmar ?

I have been thinking about the whole question quite often and, so far, I haven't found any answer. Chassid yes, but which direction ? Maybe Belz, as the Belzer do have a certain freedom. But could I follow all the Rebbe's decrees ? I think that I should continue being without a group. At least for the time being.

But how about other people willing to do this immediately ? Can the couple really solve all the problems (mentality, customs) before the wedding ?