Kiruv Lie ?

B"H

A young woman who is also a Baalat Teshuva (a born Jew who became religious later on in his life) complained to me that Jews who obviously know something about their religion (like me) should avoid telling newcomers to religion about society problems. She claimed that a religious Jew and familiar with all kinds of frum Jewish societies would scare away a secular Jew who decides to learn more about his own heritage.
"You cannot confront a newcomer to religion with certain negative statements", the young woman told me.

Just to give you a brief practical example:
An American teenage girl had asked me about the meaning of all those Fakshivilim (news posters) on the walls of the ultra - orthodox Mea Shearim neighbourhood. I tried to explain everything to her very slowly. The girl also asked me about what it says on these posters. So, I explained her that sometimes there are rabbis who don't really behave according to Halacha and do the opposite of what they are supposed to do.

Someone standing next to us complained that we cannot tell the truth to 20 - year - old young secular Jews. Maybe they are just starting their first steps learning more and maybe eventually becoming a Baal Teshuva. Instead we should encourage them and let them know something positive.

On the one hand, the person complaining was right; being involved into Kiruv (bringing secular Jews closer to religious Judaism and, thus, to G - d) means telling people something positive. But on the other hand, the young girl had asked me a specific question and I felt obligated to answer her with easy explanations. And why, at all, should we only mention positive things ?

A young Israeli girl told me that her brother is very much involved in doing Kiruv. By the way, Kiruv in a Jewish sense doesn’t mean "missionizing". Kiruv means, among other things, going maybe to some Chabad or Aish HaTorah shiurim (lectures). Start learning Yiddishkeit (Judaism) or at least something about one's own religion. There are plenty of institutions offering classes to newcomers.

Bringing someone closer to religion also means answering plenty of questions. In most cases, the Kiruvnik doesn't expect a person being interested in learning to become frum. If you start learning, you are not expected to move to Boro Park or Mea Shearim the next day. And if a Kiruvnik does expect this from newcomers, it shows that he is the wrong person and a teacher without compassion and responsibility.

The young Israeli woman, however, claimed that her brother lies. The whole Kiruv business would be just a great lie. People only tell the greatest things about being religious. A secular Jew really interested in Judaism would thus get a false impression. A perfect dream world or illusion about haredi life. Who tells him that not everything is so perfect ? Who tells him about society problems and that he, the potential Baal Teshuva, might be not too accepted from born Haredim ? In other words, who tells the potential Baal Teshuva about reality and daily life ? And if someone does, then he only mentions a few minor issues.

And her brother himself says that he lies.
He has to in order not to scare people away.

Should someone involved in Kiruv tell the truth or rather not ?

"Guys, religion, Mitzwot, G - d, everything is just such an amazing but be aware of the fact that reality isn't always lik living in a wonderland. There are some criminal rabbis and not everybody always loves you. In other words, you as a newcomer have to fight your way through".

Who can be told such a statement and when ?

Not right away or maybe yes ?

I think that it very much depends on someone's personality and whoever decides to get closer to G - d or become frum, usually realizes by himself what is going on in his environment.

Let's assume that a certain Kiruv program doesn't prepare the newcomer for the life after the program; the daily life in the outside world. The program should at least provide professional teachers who are able to help the Baal Teshuva in case he is facing problems. The newly religious needs conversation partners and plenty of advice of how others mastered such and such a situation.

Last Shabbat, Rabbi Mordechai Machlis told us the following story:

A few years ago, the Machlises let a young Filipino staying in their house. He had come to Jerusalem in order to participate in a conversion course to Judaism. The Filipino passed the Beit Din and was so proud of being part of the Jewish people, but soon he became frustrated. He wore Zizit but wherever he went, religious Jews asked him if he is really Jewish or just a fake. Outsiders immediately noticed that he is a Filipino and people from the Philippines are not necessarily expected to be Jewish.
Rabbi Machlis said that one day, the guy came home crying and said that he is so tired and sick of justifying himself.

What is the answer ?

There is no perfect answer because every convert to Judaism as well as a Baal Teshuva has to fight his way through.

The remaining question:
Should newcomers to religion should be told the truth from the beginning or rather not ?

I believe they should be but in stages and not everything at once. Give them some time to settle and only then they are able to grasp everything else.