B"H
Rosh Chodesh Elul (the beginning of the month of Elul) is getting closer and particularly ELUL stands for doing Teshuva. Repentance in order to get closer to G - d. All our misbehaviour and little sins (Chata'im) usually distance us from G - d.
Rabbeinu Yonah Gerondi wrote in his famous "Shaarei Teshuva - Gates of Repentance", that G - d created the Teshuva concept even before He created the entire universe. Without Teshuva we would not be able to exist. As least not for too long when you look at all the different ways of punishments.
Once a year we should do some "Cheshbon Nefesh - Looking into our deeds" and reflect what went wrong, why, regret and think about how to improve in the future. Although there are many different levels of repentance, let us just assume the most simple and easiest way:
Teshuva = acknowledging one's sin, regret and try not to do it again in the future.
I have been dealing with Teshuva and different Elul concepts on one of my German religious blogs and started dealing with different commentators, the Rambam (Maimonides) and his Hilchot Teshuva (see "Mishna Torah"), further chassidic rabbis as well as different parts of the KUZARI (written by Rabbi Yehudah HaLevi).
The more I am dealing with the subject, the more I feel like a total failure. Just look at Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto's "Path of the Just - Mesillat Yesharim". One of the most famous examples of how to perfect oneself. Not that I am seeing myself as perfect in the future but maybe everyone should try a bit getting into this direction. However, as soon as I read about all the Zaddikim stuff and how people just saw the light and "Teshuva Shlemah - perfect repentance" is ahead, I feel like I can never do that.
Last Shabbat I was talking to some Mea Shearim people and for them, Teshuva Shlemah is THE most important thing an outsider (e.g. secular Jew) should do. Complete Teshuva to them means giving up your entire former life; your surrounding, your former friends but NOT particularly the connection to your family.
I think this is possible but looking at myself: The more I learn about concepts, perfection here and completion there, I am getting too stressed and pushed. Do this, do that, Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur are at sight and G - d is going to look at you and judge you.
After all this Teshuva research for the blog, I feel like my little Teshuva enthusiasm is just a tiny bit on earth.
Maybe I shouldn't read too many perfect stories but rather those of ordinary people succeeding here and failing there. At least I wouldn't feel like such an idiot who is not getting anywhere.
However, I won't give up struggling and bothering G - d with all my regular ups and downs.:-)
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I think we all get overwhelmed. For me I think it is why I get frustrated. You make a point for me though, I think I will try and concentrate on maybe one or two small things--and if I succeed with them I can move on. There used to be an old saying--don't bite off more than you can chew--maybe they were referring to Teshuva! Don't give up, there is also merit in your efforts.
ReplyDeleteMore than the yetzer hara wants us to sin, it wants us to be depressed about sinning.
ReplyDeleteIt wants us to see the great level of tzaddikim spoken of in the mussar books, and despair of ever doing real tshuvah.
So, when we make mistakes, we must remember:
- G-d loves us
- G-d does not give us ordeals unless we are capable of passing the test.
- one who fails, and then does sincere tshuvah, is much higher spiritually than one who never failed.
Most importantly - Tshuvah doesn't mean you have to become absolutely perfect!
If a person eats 10 cheeseburgers in a week, prays to G-d for forgiveness and assistance with his forbidden desire, and then eats 9 cheeseburgers next week - that's tshuvah!
Granted, it's a low level of tshuvah, but it's still going in the right direction.
In spirituality, it never matters where you are on the scale, it only matters which direction you are headed.
B"H
ReplyDeleteActually Rabbi Nachman of Breslov said that if one is failing today, there is still another day tomorrow. The worst is becoming depressed and giving up.
@ Adam
Great points but I think that also @ Anonymous is right. We are getting too overwhelmed at certain times. Now, Elul is coming and then the high holidays. All this Teshuva "pressure" of "The King is in the Field".
Maybe we are sometimes more worried than G - d wants us to be. Taking one challenge per day and succeed is already something.
Hi. I just stumbled onto your blog. May I suggest reading the Tanakh. God didn't sugar coat all the stories. You will see these people's great points and their errors. Despite it all God loves them, speaks to them, etc.
ReplyDeleteMany stories of tzaddikim nowaday are so sugar coated, you'd think that they had no yatzer haras!
Grab a Likutei Tefillot, a likutei Moharan and a Tanakh.. and soar!!
B"H
ReplyDelete@ Mimi
This is very true what you are saying. Maybe I just got too confused by the high amount of black hats walking through Jerusalem.:-)
Wherever you look around today, religious Websites or preparation programmes for Rosh HaShana, you just hear Teshuva, Teshuva, Teshuva. Then you get the Zaddikim stories as examples and eventually you feel like it is only you not succeeding.:-)
I think it is also important to look at our tiny improvements and keep away from taking others as examples.