B"H
Male Ba'alei Teshuva (secular Jews becoming religious) act very different from female Ba'alot Teshuva. At least in many cases. Among other things, men may have a stronger desire of getting accepted into religious society. When you look at male Ba'alei Teshuva and male converts to Judaism, many times they start looking for a leading figure in their lives. Not for the IDEAL PERSON to follow but for a father figure. In fact, women don't feel this kind of desire but concentrate on more realistic issues.
Lets say there is a Baal Teshuva or a convert to Judaism and he is new in society. New in to Teshuva - World and running around in order to find his place. The guy will do the usual Yeshiva shopping and try out different directions and Synagogues. However, especially guys then feel the desire of finding their "father" in the haredi world, as they don't really have a close friend who grew up in certain chassidic circles.
Chabad, for instance, attracts many Ba'alei Teshuva and plenty of them find their father figure in the previous Lubavitcher Rebbe. Although he passed away in June 1994. Other Ba'alei Teshuva trying to join Satmar definitely find a kind of father figure in Rebbe Yoel Teitelbaum. Today maybe in the two Rebbes Aharon and Zalman Leib but I assume that Reb Yoelish still arouses father figure phantasies.
The male newcomer is desperately looking for an ideal person inside the group. A respected Rabbi or even the Rebbe himself. There may be a psycholocigal reason such as "they gave up their former lives and are now left without any family". At least not a family inside their new world which is able to understand them.
Ge'ulah / Jerusalem
Photo: Miriam Woelke
It is just interesting to me why, in most cases, males tend to look for this kind of a Rebbe father figure despite the fact that they are hardly in personal contact with the Rebbe. Women are very different in this respect and more down to earth. I would respect the Rebbe but not be running after the Rebbitzen and look at her as my "mother".
"Among other things, men may have a stronger desire of getting accepted into religious society"
ReplyDeleteThis is quite normal, as men are public figures, while women are private figures. You are more ridicule when you are publicly rejected, so more than women, they strive to get accepted.
"many times they start looking for a leading figure in their lives. Not for the IDEAL PERSON to follow but for a father figure."
This may be in accordance with what we are taught in Pirkei Avos, "Assei Lekho Rav - Make yourselve a Rav", wgich is interpreted as meaning that every one of us should seek, find and follow a Rav in particular, for guidance and inspiration. So, it's quite normal that once you are religious, you'd like to find that figure, that particular Rav, already dead or still alive, whose teachings will inspire you more than any other Rav. A Rebbe is a special medium who enable us to have a deeper connection with G-d. It is not that he does every thing for us, but he gives us the strenght to go forward and the inspiration to cleave to G-d. What happened with the very first Rebbe when it seemed that he was no longer there? The Jewish people built an Avodah Zarah when Moshe Rabbeinu was missing for a while. This shows that we DO NEED some of a spiritual figure to "survive" in our Avodas Hashem and remain true to our G-d, and men more than women, as women in the Chasidic world don't need to cleave to a Rebbe or a Rebbetzin, because they cleave to their husbands, and are connected to the Rebbe through their husbands, and finally because women are spiritualy higher than men. They don't need chitznonius to be close to G-d. For the same reason, they don't need to put on Tefilin, they don't need to wear Tzitzis, they don't need to show off three times a day at the synagogue, etc.
Furthemore, it's written in the Torah that G-d absolutely wanted that the Jewish people believe in Moshe Rabbeinu, and not only in Him. That's why, just before the Matan Torah, the Torah wrote: "Vaya'aminu B'Hashem U'BeMoshe Avdo - And they believed in G-d and in Moses His servant." It is not enough to beleive in G-d, we also need to believe and cleave to His servant. And in fact, this is what the Midrash says on the verse: "And all of you who cleave to Me, you are all alive." The Midrash asks: How is it possible to cleave to G-d, as we know that G-d is far removed from this world? And the Midrash answers: The verse means to cleave to G-d through His servants, the Sages in every generation. Every Chosid believe that his Rebbe is a Moshe in their generation. And to cleave to him is cleaving to G-d.
There are simply are no female 'idols' in the haredi world, all prominent rabbis are males; look at haredi weddings: all people who are mentioned in the speeches in the beginning of a wedding are either males or wifes of prominent male persons. Women probably look for someone to marry why males look for a 'father figure' and a rebbe.
ReplyDeleteB"H
ReplyDeleteIn the past, there were some important chassidic women. I think the latest one probably was Alte Feiga Teitelbaum, the wife of the Satmarer Rebbe Yoel Teitelbaum. It was her having an immense power within Satmar and there was a small fraction wanting to make her the new "Rebbe / Rebbitzen" after her husband had passed away.
Actually I would have loved to see a woman in a Rebbe's position.:-))))
I don't think that it is always a Rebbe's teachings causing the desire as having him as a father figure. A newcomer into the haredi, and especially the chassidic world, has no one and is lonely. Of course, there might be some friends and Yeshiva colleagues but he doesn't have a family. Then he starts searching and finds an "ideal" person in the Rebbe himself.
My personal opinion is that I wouldn't follow a Rebbe only due to his teachings. Sometimes you may not have another choice, as the particular Rabbi is already dead but when he is still alive, it plays an important role to me what kind of a person he is.
I have had the experience where good teachings came out of a Rabbi's mouth but in his private life, the same Rabbi was a greedy person and not doing what he was lecturing.
"I have had the experience where good teachings came out of a Rabbi's mouth but in his private life, the same Rabbi was a greedy person and not doing what he was lecturing."
ReplyDeleteSi listen to what he says, but don't emulate his actions. There is a saying in Pirkei Avos: "Who is wise? The one who receive the teaching of all", which means that we should receive a good teaching, whoever the person. If it's in accordance with what is said in the Torah, so fine, even if the person is not a role model in his life. The Baal Shem Tov was used to say that we should be sensitive even from what is spoken by a Goy, because maybe there is a message relevant for us somewhere in his words.