Saturday, October 16, 2010

How to find one's Shidduch (Match)


A Chabadnik gave a Shiur at "Ascent" in Zfat on "How a religious Jew is going to find his Shidduch (match)". I am not into such things and my honest opinion is that you won't get to know a person after a few Shidduch meetings. As soon as I say this, the frummies usually argue that no one ever really knows his spouse because someone always has his secret personalities.

When you go out with a Shidduch, both of you show their best behaviour and dress up in Sunday's best. Someone once told me that you have to observe how your Shidduch candidate is eating, as this tells a lot about a person. I fully agree to that ! Nevertheless, you look at the person, decide to get married but what is going to happen when you realize your Shidduch's real personality. Lets say he or she doesn't take showers on a regular basis. Wears dirty underwear or all kinds of other things. I wouldn't be able to put up with that.

Whoever is interested in what Rabbi Amram Moyal said about "Finding the perfect Match":

1. Never ever talk to your Shidduch candidate on the phone before you see the person in real !

Actually I have heard this from a few friends before: For weeks or even months, they spoke to a Shidduch candidate on the phone and finally they met. The meeting mostly ended in a desaster because while talking on the phone, you make yourself a picture of the other person. Suddenly you see him in real and then you may be disappointed and in shock.

2. Don't make your decision to marry a Shidduch too fast !

Take your time and if the couple is not able to do so, the Shadchan (Matchmaker) would be allowed to play games such as "He / She still doesn't know if he / she wants you", etc. The intention is to arouse curiosity of one of the candidates.

3. Look into the soul of a person and not only whether he / she is good looking !

4. Consider whether you really fit together according to your interests or your Rabbis (if the future spouse would go after your Rabbis).

5. Don't ever go for the idea that when a person has certain bad habits, you are able to fix the person after you get married. This usually never works out !

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