Religious Youth leaving the Derech

B"H

These days, different Israeli news sites are reporting about religious children who lost their DERECH and became secular. Or those who look religious but are not anymore – the SHABABNIKIM.

http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1246443758976&pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull

http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3742093,00.html

Israelis always love to read stories about religious runaways and whoever is sending a new story (especially a delicate one) to the secular papers, can be sure of finding some recognition. The articles in the two links reflect on different issues and reasons why religious youth often leaves the path of their parents. By the way, not only haredi society is facing this kind of society problem but also the national religious (Dati Le'umi) parents.

Until today, no Orthodox religious society knows how to deal with the subject and the first thought always is:

"Hopefully the neighbours, classmates, teachers, relatives, etc. won't find out".

For the parents, a child leaving the religious path (Derech) is complicated, as society has difficulties accepting anything like that happening to a family. Then you may be an outsider and neighbours might have problems letting their kids play with yours.
Who knows ? Maybe all of your children are infected with a secular virus ? And this could influence other children, couldn't it ?

Schools also have a problem, as they fear about loosing their good reputation.
Family members fear not to get such a good Shidduch (match) offer any more and life might be ruined by a brother or sister running away.

And what is more positive ?
Becoming a Shababnik and pretending as if, or leaving religious society entirely ?
Lets say, I decide becoming a Shababnik, putting on my religious "uniform" but I do behave anything but religious. Society would know anyway and the great Shidduchim for the siblings are gone. So, why make such a fuss and not leave ?
Because of hope ! Hope that a Shababnik may change his ways and return to society. Not everything is lost now and organizations like the anti – missionary group YAD LE'ACHIM like using Shababnikim as their activists.

What if someone leaves the religious path totally ?
I have already written a few times about the subject and still haven't changed my opinion about organizations like HILLEL and others. Hillel or Dror try getting the runaway Haredi away from his environment and provide him with a new home. Mostly a Kibbutz.
Many runaways choose this way, as there is a bed, a home, another school, education, the army, a "normal" life at sight. Not just running away with a few Shekels and ending up at Tel Aviv beach not knowing where to go or sleep. Let alone start using drugs etc.

The question, however, is why many youngsters run away.
Personally I have met lots of Chabadnikiyot (Chabad girls) but also Satmar, Gur and others.
It doesn't matter if you live in Jerusalem, Bnei Brak or New York. Today, temptations are higher than in recent history. Religious youngsters see the secular youth and become jealous.
Sounds too stereotype ?
I don't think so.
I have seen quite a few people (especially Haredim) when they stare at secular or even national religious youth who wear regular clothes and not a black & white uniform. Why not being just like them ? Would G – d punish anyone because he wears a pair of jeans ?
Of course, Internet plays a role and many young Haredim are drawn to the World Wide Web.
Beeing free and not always caught in a stiff society where nothing moves and the only solutions counting are Torah, Torah, Torah and some Talmud.

Not everyone is born to be haredi or national religious. What if I don't fit in ?
There is a Midrash and the Arizal (Rabbi Yitzchak Luria) also describes the concept:
When the Israelites left Egypt, each tribe went through his own small alleyway which where divided by walls. However, one could look through those walls meaning that each tribe is different and has its own mentality and personality. Nevertheless, we are all one people. If G – d wanted us to be haredi, surely He would have created each of us as a Haredi. But He didn't and gave us something called FREE CHOICE. We are able to choose and it is too easy saying that whoever is not haredi, has chosen wrong.
Not every soul is made to be haredi and not every soul is made to be secular or national religious. In order to give some peace to the soul, one has to find his own limits and potential.
This may sound like a commercial from AISH HATORAH ("start using your potential") but it is actually true.

A few months ago, an elderly woman from Karlin – Stolin told me that the Stoliner marry off their teenagers as fast as they can. Once they are too old (over 19), then they start thinking too much. Instead it would be much healthier giving them a reason to live, thus a family. Once they are married and have their own kids, they won't think about running away and all this "freedom nonsense".
But is this really a solution ?
Maybe, but what about the personality of this human being ?

Haredi and all the other societies have to get used to the problem and learn how to deal with it. A famous example from the Internet is the Toldot Aharon runaway Noam Starik who is now a Chabad Shaliach and has his own family. It looks like he is in touch with his parents, as he even put his mother on the Internet. Actually the first Toldot Aharon woman looking straight into the camera without having a white spot in her face (means making her face unrecognizable due to modesty reasons). I don't know how happy Starik is now but once he wrote something in Yiddish saying that there is not such a "perfect caring" society in this world as the one of the Toldot Aharon. Not a thousand per cent free secular society could offer him what the Toldot Aharon did. The only thing he misses is a caring society.

Psychologists and all kinds of psycho classes and training are not always a solution which works out. In many cases, a religious youngster MUST leave and there is no other way around. If he stayed in society, he might end up killing himself despite all the necessary help. Leaving a group doesn't mean leaving religion. Of course, new attractions exist and first you enjoy all this non – kosher food or you don't keep Shabbat. After enjoying all that, a youth usually comes back to his source. Maybe not haredi or too frum, but traditional. One cannot just throw away yeshiva education and after a while, the secular drive you nuts anyway, as they have no clue about your past and will never have. The problem is that you have to share but with whom ?

Noam Starik always tried to solve this kind of feeling by opening more and more Internet discussions in Yiddish. Sometimes it even looks as he was moving around in a wheel like a hamster. Then he found Chabad and did "Teshuva", as one Chassid told me.
It is not easy to find our perfect way, if there is such. Some start rebelling, others just escape and a third group forces itself into society no matter what.
A perfect solution ?
I don't see any.
One solution is finding a way satisfying everyone. At least keeping parents and the "off – the – derech – child" together and not sitting Shiva or abandoning the child. This is why Dror and Hillel are not the best solutions. Instead look for religious social workers who can help both sides how to deal with the problem.


Links:

Second Life

The right way out ?