Sunday, March 14, 2010

Issues you should consider when meeting a Shidduch


No, I am not the Shidduch type and have only participated in that kind of matchmaking twice. The first time, the guy, a New Yorker living in Israel, preferred talking about his camera. He was a photographer and should have married his camera by now.
The second meeting took place with a national religious Israeli who had studied at the Hebron Yeshiva but grabbed my hand and shook it. Thus, he seemingly wanted to show his tolerance and refrain from any fundamentalism. I wouldn't necessarily call myself a "Shomeret Negiah" but a former Yeshiva guy calling himself religious and then grabbing my hand shocked me.

I met a young divorced "Baalet Teshuva - a Jew who became religious later in her life" in Mea Shearim and she started looking for a new Shidduch. And it was her listing me two issues you should consider when you go to meet a Shidduch.

1. Pay attention if the guy is tight - fisted. Just in case he wants you to drink a small espresso instead of a large ice coffee or cappuccino.

2. Pay attention to how he / she eats. 
Making incredible noise while eating a bowl of soup or stuffing a whole chicken into the mouth. In other words, the Shidduch should not eat like a pig !

The woman told me that those issues can tell a lot about the Shidduch's character traits. However, when you meet the Shidduch for the first time, it is very unlikely that you eat. First you start those meetings by having a small cup of coffee until you, after two or three meetings, finally eat. The guy should pay !

However, even if you only get to the first cup of coffee, watch out how you "partner" is going to handle it. And in case he is a Baal Teshuva, don't let him scream out his blessing in order to impress you and all the others. 

My first Shidduch, the guy with the camera, told me to get a Jewish education by reading "The Book of your (our ?) Heritage" whereas I told him to learn Hebrew after ten years of being in Israel and behaving like a foreign idiot. 

I am not a friend of those meetings because the subject alone drives me wild. Dealing with all kinds of "failures" until the right one may show up is nothing for my limited patience. 
Whoever is happy with meeting Shidduchim and getting married this way has my blessings but I wouldn't do so.

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