B"H
Since I moved back to Tel Aviv a little more than a month ago, my religious life has been helter skelter like. Ups and downs and I am still looking for the way. One day more and the next day less.
Furthermore I noticed that I have been too obsessive with perfectionism and when I entered haredi society years ago, I mostly concentrated on the perfect side. However, this doesn't mean that Haredim are perfect. In fact, many of them are anything but perfect.
Ba'alei Teshuva into haredi society can get themselves into a very destructive position and I have seen people who wanted nothing but acceptance by born Haredim. Those Ba'alei Teshuva did anything but where never satisfied, as there was always a time when someone born haredi made a negative remark.
Quickly I left the way of sliming around and wanting to be accepted. I didn't care about other Haredim but set goals for myself. The goals were too high and I failed.
Am I failing until today ?
Maybe the haredi way is just not for me or G - d doesn't want me to be this way ?
Maybe His plan for me is something else ?
At the moment I am rather following the easy way. Not because of my secular Tel Aviv environment but to overcome my strive for perfection. This basically is the reason why I mainly avoid going to Jerusalem these days, as Jerusalem reminds me of my old way of life.
The Lubavitcher Rebbe used to say that if you consider yourself as being perfect, that means you are not a chosid, because a chosid must always works on himself, constantly trying to improve his ways and Avodas Hashem.
ReplyDeleteB"H
ReplyDeleteThat's a great and wise saying and it does help me a lot !
Shabbat Shalom